


Things We're All Too Young To Know

by thefooliam



Series: Operation Word Explosion [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 09:36:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5962564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefooliam/pseuds/thefooliam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brittany holds her like she's a balloon, like she's a hope that might float away. </p><p>Post-5x12/5x13 fic</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things We're All Too Young To Know

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the lovely sarah-crewe. Title comes from Peter Gabriel’s “The Book Of Love”

_I belong with you_

_You belong with me_

_You’re my sweetheart_

\--“ _Ho Hey_ ” by The Lumineers

 

//

 

It takes ten minutes for her lips to stop tingling and twenty for her head to stop feeling so cloudy.

 

She feels like she’s stuck and every time she blinks it’s like the moment is happening all over again. She sees the resolve in Brittany’s eyes as she leaned in and hears the words that she didn’t even have to say. She remembers the inability to move that took over her body as well as the simultaneous warm and calm that had melted her every muscle the minute that Brittany’s lips hit hers.

 

Mostly, she remembers the relief that flooded every nerve in her body and the confusion that had followed.

 

And she knows that she should be worried and panicked and guilty that she let it happen but those emotions barely register as her eyes flutter at the memory of Brittany’s hand cupping her cheek. They’re quick, fleeting thoughts as she sits there, dumbfounded and only slightly ashamed for yielding so quickly. Her lips run together almost subconsciously and she lets her head tilt back against the wall as her eyes give in and flutter closed.

 

She knows that she should be thinking of her girlfriend and what she’s going to do but she’s too confused for that.

 

All she can think about is Brittany. Brittany, who went from anxious about school to being attached to her face before she could even see it coming. Brittany, who pretty much gave her no inkling that romance was her aim apart from a fleeting comment about their previous sexual escapades. Brittany, who went from not knowing to knowing what she wants quicker than Santana could ever anticipate.

 

Brittany. Brittany. Brittany.

 

Santana sighs and quivers at the taste of Brittany’s mouth on her lips.

 

She wishes she didn’t know what she wanted. She wishes that this decision were harder for her than it actually is. She wants to be the kind of girl who weighs up her options and remembers that her girlfriend is still a living, breathing reality in New York. She wishes that this decision didn’t feel so completely inevitable.

 

She does, however, wish that she knew what to do.

 

And that’s the problem.

 

She doesn’t.

 

//

 

Brittany waits until she’s hidden in the backseat of her car before she lets the reality of what she’s done set in.

 

She isn’t really sure what came over her but she can only really deduce that it has something to do with the fact that she hasn’t felt like herself in months and has missed Santana for even longer and that Santana was doing that thing where she says something she doesn’t really want to say but does it anyway. She also guesses that it’s got something to do with the fact that Brittany had kind of forgotten how beautiful she is, and that the words Santana was saying were really, really dumb.

 

She actually feels kind of stupid, really… and, after months of people telling her she’s a genius because she can multiple big numbers better than Matilda, it weirdly feels kind of nice.

 

Because it’s not stupid at all, really—ill timed and overeager, definitely—but it could never be stupid.

 

Kissing Santana has never been stupid and, as she licks her lips and lets her eyes flutter closed at the too-brief reminder, she feels all kinds of relieved. It was better than she remembers and she takes a moment to hate the fact that she was ever given the opportunity to forget. She’s not sure they’ve ever gone this long without kissing and now she’s kind of mad at Santana for stopping it.

 

Despite what Santana says, she knows it’s not a bad idea. She could tell by the way that Santana’s body softened and she could tell by the way that she felt the understanding ooze into her. She’s not had to act to make Santana understand in a long time but she knows that she got it. Actions used to be the only way that Brittany could tell Santana things but it felt good to be able to say them too, even if she barely knew how to.

 

She knows that this isn’t what she was planning when she came back to Lima. She just needed a break from the wires and the numbers and the constant questions. She hadn’t even seen the inside of a classroom yet and she hoped that telling all the brains at MIT that she needed a break would force them to treat her differently. While she wasn’t sure how she understood half the problems they asked her to solve, it was refreshing to be able to think without everybody staring at her expectantly.

 

All of that changed after she saw Santana, though. It’s been two months and Brittany isn’t sure if they’ve ever gone that long without seeing each other in person. Sure they’ve skyped a few times when Santana wasn’t working, and any time she sees something weird Brittany sends Santana a picture of it but that’s kind of nothing in comparison.

 

Looking at Santana’s fine until you’re a foot away from her and then it’s sensory overload. Brittany used to know how to deal with it but as she tries her hardest to calm down and readjust, she knows that isn’t true anymore. It’s like the first time all over again and her heart beats too fast as her palms sweat and her body vibrates.

 

It really is like waking up and she’s missed it. She misses it and she thinks it might kill her if she ever had to go this long without it again.

 

She feels dread and excitement at the same time when her phone vibrates in her back pocket. She takes a deep breath before she pulls it out and holds it when she swipes over the screen to find Santana’s name there. It’s a text and she opens it quickly.

 

_Where are you?_

 

Brittany swallows thickly before answering. _In the back parking lot in my car._

She holds her phone in both hands as she waits for the reply. Minutes pass and she checks it just once to see if she missed anything but jumps when someone knocks on her window instead.

 

She lets out the breath she’d been holding, and leans forward to push open the door without looking to see who it is.

 

When Santana climbs in beside her, Brittany doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t have any words left.

 

So she waits.

 

//

 

Santana doesn’t know how long they’ve been sat here, just that they’re supposed to be meeting Mr. Schue in the auditorium soon.

 

Brittany sits patiently beside her, her phone clutched desperately in her hands as she waits for Santana to speak. Santana doesn’t know what to say and she nervously tugs on the edge of her skirt to hide that fact.

 

It isn’t until Brittany finally turns to her and smiles that Santana starts to feel herself unravel again.

 

“It’s just me,” she whispers and Santana wants to tell her that _that’s_ why she’s like this.

 

Because she’s Brittany. She’s _Brittany_ and she’s everything Santana ever wanted until Santana realized she was everything she never deserved.

 

“I really, really like her, Britt,” is the first thing that leaves her mouth and for the first time it feels bitter and wrong instead of scary. “She’s kind and pretty and she puts up with all my crap, you know? There aren’t many people that do that. And she’s there and I’m there and you’re…” She trails off and shakes her head as a familiar burning hits her eyes. “I don’t want to be the people who cheat to be together again. It’s not healthy. It’s not fair.”

 

Brittany turns slightly to look at her and Santana sighs as everything continues to feel so inevitable. She swallows back the lump in her throat and watches as Brittany looks at her carefully, looks at her in the same way she used before everything changed.

 

“Do you love her?” Brittany asks quietly and the question actually hurts. Santana’s eyes close and her brow furrows as she lets her head shake silently from side to side. She swears she hears Brittany sigh in relief. “Do you love _me_?” she asks even more quietly and Santana swears to God that her heart stops.

 

Except, no. She’s not going to let Brittany do this. She’s not going to let her ruin all of her hard work. She’s not going to let everything that happened be forgotten just because Brittany decided so.

 

“Did you love Sam?” she bites out and Brittany actually flinches.

 

But she doesn’t look away and when the first tear rolls silently down Santana’s cheek, it’s Brittany that reaches up to catch it. She looks at it like it’s a diamond and watches as it soaks into her finger. Her eyes find Santana’s, unsure as she lets her fingers stroke over the curve of her cheek.

 

Her head shakes so subtly that Santana almost misses it. Her blue eyes bore into Santana’s and it’s impossible to look away.

 

“I love _you_ ,” Brittany whispers plainly. She says it like she’s been asked her name or her favorite color, like the words are constantly resting on the tip of her tongue. Santana hears it and all her anger dissipates.

 

With blue eyes staring back at her and soft fingertips mapping her face, what happens next feels more inevitable than anything else. It’s the only thing she’s wanted to do since Brittany left her in the choir room and as she surges forward to press their lips together, she forgets that it’s a bad idea. Brittany sighs into her mouth and the fingers on her cheek push her hair behind her ear. She sucks on Brittany’s top lip until she’s sure it must hurt and kisses Brittany until she whimpers against her mouth, until an arm is wrapped around her waist.

 

She only stops when Brittany tries tugging her into her lap and lets her eyes grow wide when she realizes what she’s done.

 

Brittany just stares at her, her eyes wide and blue and her expression nervous. She doesn’t argue when Santana springs back and instantly reaches for the door. She withdraws her hands and slips them in her lap as Santana slinks guiltily away.

 

The next time she sees her they’re stood in the auditorium and Brittany’s so close that Santana’s sure she’s trying to punish her. Her eyes stay focused ahead and she avoids eye contact, avoids any disappointed or imploring look that Brittany might give her. She waits for the anger and the sadness but they never come.

 

Instead, all Santana feels is a soft hand at the base of her back, reassuring and warm. It tucks her in close and when she turns her head and finds desperate blue eyes not looking directly at her, she knows what comes next.

 

She knows what she wants.

 

She knows what to do.

 

//

 

Brittany isn’t really sure how she went from moping in a choir room to being pressed up against a wall by Santana but she doesn’t really care right now.

 

It’s kind of impossible to care when Santana’s mouth is firmly against hers for the third time in one day. It’s already hard enough to think and the little capacity she has left to use her brain is spent on trying to keep up. It’s really hard because Santana keeps making those soft little noises that Brittany hasn’t heard in such a long time, and one warm hand is cupping Brittany’s cheek as the other grips tightly at her hip.

 

The wall is cold but it’s reassuring to have something so solid to support her. The threat of falling is almost a genuine worry and she grips at the fabric at Santana’s hips to make sure that she can’t move away. She’s pretty sure her firm body is the only thing keeping her upright and as much as she wants to tangle her fingers in Santana’s hair, she’s not ready to give that up yet.

 

She’s panting and her everything is shaking and she hasn’t felt like this in such a long time.

 

It’s another reminder that she doesn’t need that tells her exactly what she already knows and she lets it tumble from her lips when Santana pulls away with a breathlessly whispered “ _dammit_ ” to rest their foreheads together.

 

“I want to be with you,” Brittany mumbles as Santana squashes their noses together. She finally lets her hand reach up so that her thumb can stroke Santana’s jaw. “I miss you,” she whispers. “I miss you so much.”

 

Santana’s body melts at her words and Brittany’s glad when she’s able to keep herself standing. Brittany bites her lip until it catches Santana’s attention. She thumbs over it until Brittany can do little more than gasp and release it.

 

“Please don’t,” Santana whispers tilting her head so that their cheeks press together too. “I can’t—we shouldn’t… I… I still have a girlfriend.”

 

“I know,” Brittany whispers sadly and she wants more than anything for that to stop being true.

 

She wraps her arm tightly around Santana’s back, glad when Santana lets her, and holds her closer because there’s still a small part of her that’s terrified it might be the last time.

 

“I need to think,” Santana says hurriedly and Brittany nods in understanding. “I need to think about this… and so do you, Britt.”

 

She doesn’t—not really—but she doesn’t think this is the time to scare Santana with that. Instead she just nods and lets her hands drop sadly to her sides. She hates that Santana sighs in relief, even as her hands continue to grip at Brittany’s face.

 

She reaches up to remove them from her face and feels her own relief when Santana reluctantly lets go.

 

“Take your time,” she whispers.

 

She can feel Santana watching her as she walks away.

 

It’s a small victory.

 

//

 

Santana’s quiet at dinner with her parents and they don’t question her when she goes to bed early. She struggles to fall asleep and it isn’t until Brittany sends her a text that reads “ _goodnight x_ ” that she feels like she’s able to.

 

She’s a little late when she gets to McKinley the next afternoon, finally finding everyone in the auditorium and slipping into the seat next to Brittany. It earns her a smile and a softly whispered “hey” that makes butterflies flutter in her chest. Brittany’s the only person who doesn’t applaud Mercedes and Kurt’s more than obvious performance and Santana can already tell that she knows something’s up. That’s why she excuses herself quickly after Glee Club and heads home.

 

She gets another goodnight text from Brittany that night but she also gets one from Dani too. It isn’t until she’s actively ignored Dani’s text in favor of spending forty-five minutes texting Brittany back and forth about nothing and everything that she realizes what she has to do regardless of what happens after.

 

Figuring out what to say is the worst part. She walks around for the next day, thinking of an excuse that might make it hurt less but never finding one. Dani continues to text her all day but they go unanswered as Santana spends all day with Brittany and the rest of the Glee Club.

 

They all go to bowling after Mr. Schue excuses them and it’s more fun than Santana’s had in a long time. She almost forgets how confusing her life is until Brittany’s hand bumps hers on the bench beside her. She doesn’t move, because there’s so many of them that it makes sense that they’re so squashed together, but then Brittany hooks her pinky over Santana’s and shifts closer to hide it and it’s not so innocent anymore.

 

That one touch makes her feel more excited than any touch that Dani’s given her since they met. Her body feels like it’s aflame and when she turns to the side to stare at Brittany, she’s looking away but the grip of her pinky tightens.

 

All Santana wants to do is lean over and kiss her but she can’t. She has to speak to Dani.

 

The minute she gets home, she grabs her cell and sits down on the edge of her bed. The sheets are plum purple and she grips her fingers into them in a last ditch attempt to think of the perfect words. They never come but she lifts the phone to her ear anyway.

 

“ _Hey_!” Dani says brightly after not nearly enough rings. “ _How’s Ohio? If it weren’t for Kurt and some girl called Tina tagging you in all their Facebook statuses and pictures, you’d think you’d fallen off the edge of the planet_.”

 

Santana swallows nervously. “Hey. Yeah, I’m sorry I haven’t been answering your messages, it’s just that everything’s been so crazy around here, you know?”

 

There’s an anxious pause before Dani speaks. “ _Well, when I called Kurt yesterday he said that you guys weren’t going to be back for a few more days, so… I guessed that there was some stuff going on. If I’d have known I’d have to miss you so much I would have come with you_.”

 

Santana pauses awkwardly. “You’d be so bored.”

 

“ _But I’d get to know all your friends_ ,” Dani argues quickly and Santana can hear the smile in her voice. “ _Rachel and Kurt are great… Sam and Blaine, too… but I never realized how many people you have in your life. I mean, I saw all the pictures from your friends ‘al but there’s so many more people there now. I feel like I’m missing something_.”

 

Santana continues to swallow awkwardly as her words thin out, her voice catching in her throat. “Dani—” she tries because she knows that if she doesn’t do this soon, she never will.

 

“ _I mean, is that your friend Quinn with the guy in the uniform_?” Dani asks and Santana can hear her clicking through the pictures over the line. “ _Didn’t he used to have a Mohawk and look like he should have been on the back of a Harley? Wasn’t Quinn dating some rich dude from Pennsylvania? And who the hell is that woman with the flask in her hand? Is she a teacher_?”

 

“Dani—” Santana tries again.

 

“ _And who’s that blonde girl you’re sitting with in nearly all the pictures? I don’t think I’ve seen her before_?” Dani ponders quietly. “ _She’s_ gorgeous.”

 

“That’s Brittany,” Santana whispers and her fingers curl further into the sheets as the line quickly lapses into silence.

 

“ _Your best friend, Brittany_?” Dani asks and it sounds more like an accusation than a question. All Santana can do is make a sound to the affirmative. “ _You look close_.”

 

The words make Santana wince because she’s been all too happy to talk about Brittany since they’ve been together but has never honestly explained who she is. And she knows that Dani has her suspicions—she’s not stupid; she can see it in her expression whenever her and Brittany text—but she’s never raised them.

 

“ _I didn’t realize that she was so_ —” Dani starts before she trails off, thinking slowly. “ _She’s not what I expected_.”

 

When she doesn’t say anything in response, Santana hears Dani gulp nervously down the phone. The words bubble up her throat before she can stop them.

 

“I need to tell you something,” she breathes out and she stares adamantly at the floor. “Brittany—Do you remember the first time we talked and I told you that I’d had a girlfriend but it was over? Do you remember that?”

 

“ _Of course_ ,” Dani says softly. “ _But, I don’t_ —”

 

“That girl was Brittany, okay?” Santana says quickly, bitterly biting the words out. “That was Brittany. She’s not just my best friend but she’s also—she’s also…” A quiet gasp leaves her. “She’s my soulmate, okay?”

 

After too many seconds pass, Santana checks the line to see if it’s still connected. It is and when she hears Dani take a long, deep breath over the line, it doubles her guilt.

 

“ _As in present tense?”_ Dani finally says and Santana can’t decide if the tremor in her voice is from anger or upset. She doesn’t say anything and is glad when Dani goes on. “ _Then what am I_?”

 

Santana lets her eyes close. “I’m sorry,” she whispers.

 

There’s a pause, and then a bitter laugh and then—

 

“ _Screw you, Santana_.”

 

//

 

When Santana’s mom opens the door, Brittany sees her expression, and the smile drops from her face.

 

She looks worried and everything makes sense a few seconds later when Brittany hears familiar sobbing coming from upstairs. She glances quickly at Maribel but the woman is already pushing at Brittany’s arm to urge her upstairs with a soft “go, go quickly” that Brittany barely hears.

 

And it’s been such a long time since she was in Santana’s house but it still feels the same. She climbs up every third step like she usually does and pauses when she gets to the furthest room on the left. What she hears makes her heart hurt like someone’s reached inside and squeezed it tight.

 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry—” Santana whispers brokenly from where she sits on the edge of the bed facing away from her. “But you don’t under—Please just hear me out, I’m sorry—I didn’t want—Dani, _please_ —”

 

Brittany steps into the room without a word and drops her bag to the floor before kneeling silently in front of Santana. Santana’s eyes widen with what looks like a mix of relief and surprise and doesn’t argue when Brittany grips her wrist with one hand and reaches for her phone with the other.

 

At first, she tries to resist but Brittany doesn’t give in. Her sobbing is getting worse and she can hear Dani screaming at her over the phone. And as much as Brittany gets that Dani’s mad, she doesn’t like it. She pries the phone away from Santana’s face and tries to loosen her grip.

 

All she has to say is “give it to me, Santana” before Santana lets the phone go and drops her head into her hands.

 

And Brittany doesn’t think; she just leans up and presses gentling kisses to Santana’s forehead before she lifts the phone to her own ear.

 

“Santana can’t come to the phone right now,” she says instead of the things she wants to say.

 

“ _And who the hell is this_?” Dani scoffs and Brittany takes a moment because she was so adamant that she never wanted to hear her voice that it’s a little overwhelming when she does.

 

“This is Brittany,” she says softly.

 

There’s a dark laugh before—

 

“ _You’ve got some nerve,_ ” the girl spits and Brittany rests her forehead against Santana’s for a moment before speaking.

 

“I know,” she says softly. “I know I do but I’d rather you were angry with me than you were angry with her because I actually deserve it. If I hadn’t opened my mouth then this conversation wouldn’t be happening but I did so you can be mad at me.”

 

There’s a scoff and Brittany leans back away from Santana to stroke her hair from her face.

 

“ _If you don’t mind…_ Brittany. _I’ll be mad at who I want to be mad at and I’m mad at Santana_ ,” she says softly. “ _I’m mad at her because in the few months we’ve been dating, she failed to mention that one, her best friend was also her ex, and two, that she was still in love with that ex. And I don’t do relationships, okay? I really don’t. But I liked her and I gave her a chance because she was cute and she seemed like she wanted to but I was nothing but a damn temporary replacement until you opened your stupid mouth._ ”

 

Brittany doesn’t say anything as she grits her teeth and waits.

“ _Do you know what she used to say about you? About this mystical goddamn ex with no name?_ ” Dani asks bitterly. “ _She used to say that you broke her heart. That no one had broken her heart like you. That you were always picking guys over her and that she wasn’t sure if you’d ever really loved her. That she was_ glad _she didn’t have to worry about having a girlfriend who would stray for the first hunk of man meat she could find._ ”

 

Even as Brittany feels a weight drop dangerously low in her stomach, she swallows and says what she knows to be true. “She gets mean when she’s sad.”

 

The next laugh sounds angrier and more bitter, wound up like Dani doesn’t know how to let go of all the feelings inside of her. It almost reminds her of Santana.

 

“ _Oh, come on,_ ” she groans out irritably. “ _Is that really all you have to say? Some pathetic excuse that’s probably not even true? Are you really that naïve to not be able to see that Santana’s nothing but a callous bitch? Look at all this stuff she’s done with Rachel? She’s just mean, period. I don’t know why you’re even bothering._ ”

 

“You don’t know her at all, do you?” Brittany says and she hates that those words, of all things, are what is going to make her cry. “She gave herself to you for months and you couldn’t have the decency to even _try_ and see her for what she really is?”

 

“ _A shallow, cold-hearted bitch_?”

 

“She’s the best person I know,” Brittany says, her voice raising as she looks at Santana before her. Brown eyes look anxiously up at her and Brittany reaches to brush tears from her cheek with a thumb. “She’s the best person I know,” she repeats softly. “She’s my _favorite_ person. She’s my _best friend_.”

 

She smiles at Santana who doesn’t smile back. Her own smile falls and she continues to thumb away Santana’s tears as she speaks.

 

“And maybe I did break her heart…” she admits sadly, brokenly, with every old ache in her chest flaring up at once. “But we’ve broken each other’s hearts so many times that I know—I _know_ right down inside of my deepest, darkest places—that we will always fix each other. We will always find a way.”

 

When Dani doesn’t say anything right away, Brittany keeps talking.

 

“But I’m so sick of letting circumstance ruin all our chances,” she says breathlessly. “I’m tired of doing the right thing or doing the things that will only matter to the people who haven’t been through what we have… because I don’t want to have to wait anymore. I don’t want to have to spend half my life sad when I know that all I need is her to make me happy.”

 

When Santana’s brown eyes stare back at her and when her hand reaches up to hold Brittany’s wrist, the words come easy. She smiles and sighs.

 

“I’m not saying that she’s not hard work and I’m not saying that she can’t be a pain in the ass because she can…” Santana smiles and Brittany shifts closer. “But all her… _crap_ just makes me love her more. It’s how I know she cares.”

 

The line is so quiet that Brittany isn’t even sure if Dani’s still there. She keeps talking anyway because she’s not even really talking to her anymore even if she’s still the person she’s speaking to.

 

“I’m sure that you’re a really nice girl,” Brittany says politely. “And I don’t blame you for being mad because if I was losing her then I would be going crazy.” She pauses and her face quickly contorts with the threat of tears. “In fact… not being able to call her mine is _killing me_ because I understand how it feels now. I understand why she asked me to choose her because knowing that she’s someone else’s is the worst feeling in the world.”

 

Santana’s arms wrap around her waist and Brittany lets their noses bump together.

 

“And she’s the best feeling in the world,” Brittany explains softly. “She makes me feel safe and she makes me forget that I’m lonely.” A giggle leaves her lips. “She makes me want to dance and she makes me remember that my heart is beating because it just thuds whenever she’s near me.”

 

Brittany sucks in her bottom lip and then rests their foreheads together. She sighs again when Santana cups her cheek.

 

“She’s everything a million times,” Brittany whispers. “She’s _my_ everything and I can’t do this without her anymore. I can’t pretend that she’s not the only thing that makes me happy… I’ve gone too many days without seeing her smile and I don’t want to do that anymore. I miss it. I miss _her_ and I’m sorry. I’m sorry except I’m not because she’s my soulmate. She’s my soulmate, Dani. I love her.”

 

The silence continues over the line and for the first time, it makes Brittany nervous.

 

“And I can’t apologize for that.”

 

When the line clicks off, Brittany lets the phone drop to the bed at Santana’s hip. Brown eyes study her carefully and Brittany just licks her lips and shrugs.

 

“She hung up,” she explains.

 

Santana doesn’t really hear. She’s too busy leaning in to kiss her.

 

//

 

Sitting on the end of her bed with tears running down her face, Brittany kisses Santana differently. It’s not a bad different but it’s not a good different either. It’s softer, slower, like she’s trying to delicately remember the shape of Santana’s mouth and how it tastes. It has none of the need Santana’s desperate for and it doesn’t immediately give her the answers she wants.

 

Brittany kisses her for the sake of kissing her and all she can do is tilt her head back and let her explore.

 

When she pulls back, gently but still abrupt enough that Santana’s not ready, Brittany just stares at her. Santana pants desperately and Brittany’s thumb strokes reverently at her jaw. The way she looks at Santana makes her feel precious and wonderful. Brittany’s eyes are wide and dark, cloudy with emotions that Santana hasn’t seen in such a long time. They make all her words come rushing back to her.

 

“Why—why didn’t you ever say—” She whispers but the words don’t quite leave her mouth like she wants them to. She shakes her head, dazed and drunk with the buzz of Brittany’s kisses. “You—”

 

Brittany shrugs and sighs and presses another short but longing kiss to Santana’s mouth. “I don’t know,” she admits sadly as their noses touch sweetly. “I don’t know.”

 

Santana shifts her head almost on instinct, allowing herself the luxury of feeling Brittany’s nose stroking against her cheeks. Brittany’s eyelid flutter like butterfly wings, quivering timidly to hide away blue eyes. It’s been too long since she saw them this close, since she memorized their unique patterns, and Santana feels a momentary rush of panic at the thought of not seeing them for so long again. She hates this uncertainty.

 

“What are we going to do?” she breathes.

 

Brittany sighs delicately against her. “I don’t know,” she repeats. “I don’t know, Santana.” Her bottom lip shakes in warning and Santana can tell that she’s scared or nervous or anxious or maybe all three. “I wasn’t even sure if I’d get this far. This all happened on a whim.” She smiles sadly. “I think I forgot that I want you this much. I think I forgot how _right_ you make me feel and I don’t know what to do.” Her bottom lip shakes again. “And now I’m scared.”

 

“Of what?”

 

Brittany gives her a watery smile and shakes her head. “Lots of things,” she whispers. “It depends on what you want.”

 

The words make Santana sigh. “Britt—” she whispers. “Nothing’s changed. We’re still so far apart and our lives are so different. You still don’t know what you’re going to do with your life and I just—”

 

“You don’t know what to do,” Brittany interrupts knowingly. “And that’s okay. You need more time. You need to be sure.” A lone tear rolls down her cheek and Santana doesn’t understand why but catches it anyway. “I’m sorry,” she whispers unnecessarily. “Would you meet me tomorrow? If I leave and let you think a bit will you meet me?”

 

“Where?”

 

“I don’t know,” Brittany says again except she laughs this time. “But just meet me. Give me a chance to make you sure.”

 

Santana smiles despite all the nerves that shiver through her body. Brittany looks so desperate to prove herself that she knows she’d agree to anything.

 

“Okay,” she whispers. “Okay.”

 

//

 

Brittany isn’t sure about this.

 

It seemed like a good idea at the time but now that she’s got a car full of lilies she isn’t so sure. She thinks that maybe she should have spent more time sleeping last night and less time worrying. She had to wake up early to visit the florist and then the travel agent and now she’s doubting herself. It’s too much on so little rest.

 

This becomes clear when she drops one of the vases. It smashes and she feels the need to cry before she can talk herself out of it. It hits her like a punch and she feels hopeless.

 

“Dammit,” she groans even as she feels the crack in her voice thicken. “You’re so stupid. _Dammit_!”

 

“Britt?”

 

Brittany doesn’t look up; she just continues to rescue the lilies from the broken glass and wet floor. Her eyes feel warm with tears and it isn’t until she feels Quinn rest a hand on her shoulder that she knows that there’s no point denying it.

 

“Britt, sweetie, what are you doing?” Quinn asks gently. “What’s with the lilies?”

 

“They’re for Santana,” she whimpers out. “I have to get them ready. Everything has to be perfect. Everything has to be perfect so she can see—so she can see—”

 

“Oh, Britt…” Quinn whispers. “C’mon. Stand up.”

 

Brittany does because years of conditioning herself to listening to Quinn’s instructions are yet to wear off. Her head tilts to the floor because she doesn’t want Quinn to see the tears rolling down her cheeks. It doesn’t matter when one drips sadly off her nose and joins the puddle of water on the floor.

 

Quinn clicks her tongue and grips hold of Brittany’s hand. She doesn’t say anything and lets Brittany cry quietly for a little while. For a minute, everything feels so much like too many months ago, to a different time when Brittany was just as scared to lose Santana as she is now. Quinn had held her hand and smoothed out the black fabric of her dress with the other. She’d waited patiently and told Brittany that everything would be okay.

 

She’d been right, kind of. She’d been right but not for long. The hurdle that Brittany was sure would be the one that could break them had blindsided her against the one that had.

 

‘I just want—I just want—” Brittany sighs despondently. “I don’t want to mess it up this time,” she explains carefully. “I don’t want to lose her again. I _can’t_ lose her again.”

 

Quinn gives her a knowing smile. “You won’t.”

 

Brittany quickly shakes her head in refusal.

 

“You don’t know that,” she mumbles. “You can’t know that. No one can know that and she doesn’t even know if she wants—”

 

“Britt,” Quinn cuts through her quickly. It makes Brittany look up at her and she waits quietly as Quinn reaches up to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “You won’t mess it up,” she whispers. “She’s just slow. You know that.”

 

Brittany doesn’t answer but a whimper quickly escapes up her throat. Quinn envelops her in a hug and sighs into her hair. She holds her for ages before Brittany lets go and wipes her cheeks. Quinn helps her with the rest of the flowers and then takes her to the bathroom to help her clean her face. Before she leaves her, she looks at her fondly and grins.

 

“It’s always going to be you two,” she states and Brittany doesn’t know how she can be so sure. “You just know.”

 

Brittany swallows anxiously and watches as Quinn studies her carefully. She doesn’t say anything and watches as Quinn smiles softly and shakes her head before quietly leaving.

 

When she’s gone, Brittany looks back in the mirror and tries to find what Quinn saw.

 

There’s nothing there but a nervously hopeful expression staring back at her.

 

It makes her more worried.

 

//

 

She doesn’t mean to drift off but one minute they’re talking and the next her body feels like it’s made of lead, her eyes fluttering against the gentle touches of Brittany’s fingers.

 

As her body slips comfortably into the halfway space between dreams and reality, she can’t help but think that it was to be expected, really. After breaking up with Dani, and the subsequent conversation with Brittany, she’d barely been able to sleep. All she could do was stay up and think about what she wanted and realize how easily everything could go wrong. Then she arrived here, and Brittany opened her mouth, and everything seemed easier. She still had no idea what she wanted but things were clear enough that she felt relaxed and settled enough that she could doze off, here in the middle of the choir room, and not care.

 

She’d forgotten how easy it was to feel safe in Brittany’s arms. She’d forgotten that Brittany was the only person who could make all her walls crash down, that she was the only person who her body willingly gave everything to, and the only person who could make her feel like she was suspended in time.

 

It’s such a relief that, when her body suddenly drifts back into consciousness, she’s almost disappointed.

 

That disappointment drifts away when she realizes where she is and what her body is doing. She’s only vaguely confused about how long she’s been asleep but she can’t really find it in her to care when Brittany’s laid flat against the couch and she’s draped over her body. It’s cramped and more uncomfortable than anything else but Santana feels herself smile and stay still anyway. One of Brittany’s hands is on her waist and the other is tangled in her hair and she sighs as she feels Brittany’s body vibrate with a giggle from beneath her.

 

“Hi,” she whispers and Santana doesn’t try to pretend that there’s anywhere else she’d rather be. Instead, she lets her head bury further into Brittany’s neck with a contented sigh until Brittany lets out another soft giggle. “I missed watching you wake up.”

 

Santana hums softly and can’t help but notice the soft hitch in Brittany’s throat at the feel of Santana moving closer.

 

“How long have I been asleep?” she croaks out instead of commenting.

 

Brittany’s grip on her waist momentarily tightens. “Not long. Less than an hour.”

 

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

 

Brittany smiles against her forehead and kisses there quickly. “Because you looked like you needed it… and because no amount of maneuvering you so you were more comfortable seemed to bother you so…”

 

Santana smiles softly and lets her hand tighten where it’s gripped in Brittany’s sweater. “Really?”

 

Brittany nods and Santana’s sure that she can feel her nose tracing careful patterns over her forehead. “Yes,” she whispers, breathing steadily. “That, and I wanted to be selfish with you for a bit.”

 

Her words make Santana smile her goofiest, most ridiculous smile. She turns her head to hide it in the fabric of Brittany’s sweater and tugs herself until she’s almost level with Brittany. Brittany’s mouth rests at the bridge of her nose and she kisses there quickly before Santana pushes herself up on to her elbow to look down at her.

 

Brittany suddenly looks small but her eyes sparkle with something that Santana recognizes instantly. It makes her feel warm and wanted all over but she ignores the feeling and moistens her lips as Brittany’s hands shamelessly run down her back and over her shoulders.

 

“Do you want me to take you home?” she asks a few seconds later and it’s not what Santana expected. “I have my car.”

 

The nervous innocence in her voice makes Santana swallow slowly. “What—what about Glee and everything?”

 

Brittany shrugs and looks away. “You need rest.”

 

Santana lets the weight of her body drop almost protectively and sighs at Brittany’s words. “Are—are you going to come back here?” she asks.

 

Brittany worries her lip before speaking. “I don’t—” she starts slowly before deflating quickly. “I guess so.”

 

Santana feels panic and disappointment swell inside of her. “You don’t have to,” she says quickly and struggles to sit up further. “I mean… you can stay with me. If you want to.”

 

Brittany’s brow furrows in confusion, like this is a math test rather than a simple question. “Do you… want me to stay?”

 

Santana answers quickly. “Yes.”

 

She’s sure she hears Brittany’s heart skip a beat as she nods quickly.

 

“Okay,” she says as her smile grows slowly. “I’ll stay.”

 

//

 

As she pulls into Santana’s parents’ driveway and puts her car into park, Brittany starts to feel nervous.

 

It’s strange because it isn’t like she hasn’t already been to Santana’s house since she came back to Lima. She’s been here a few times, and maybe one of those times they ended up crying and making out on the edge of Santana’s bed, but somehow her palms are still sweating and her heart is beating really fast.

 

She can still feel the warmth from where Santana had laid against her. Her chin had tucked into her chest as her hand gripped at Brittany’s sweater and Brittany misses the way that she’d been able to hear her gentle breathing. She misses the way that Santana had let out the tiniest, most perfect sleepy sighs when she’d stroked her arms or combed her fingers through her hair. She was so sure that she’d never get those things again but now she’s here and she doesn’t know if she can handle it.

 

Santana smiles sweetly before getting out of the car. She takes Brittany’s hand when she hovers by the front door and leads her inside before letting go and turning to her looking, expectant and nervous.

 

“Are you hungry?” she asks quietly and despite the fact that she missed both breakfast and lunch, Brittany can’t say that she is.

 

She shakes her head. “Not really,” she mumbles as she tugs her sleeves over her hands.

 

Santana’s smile shakes at the corner of her mouth. “Me either.”

 

Brittany nods and doesn’t say anything when Santana turns away and disappears down the hall towards the kitchen. She takes in her surroundings even though she’s pretty sure she could describe everything in this house with her eyes closed. It’s just as quiet and calm as it always is and Brittany feels a pang of longing when she remembers how this place used to be their sanctuary during high school. It’s where they came to be free.

 

“Where are your parents?” she asks because she selfishly wants today to be like it used to be, even if all they do is lounge around Santana’s room watching TV or listening to music. She just wants some semblance of happiness back.

 

Santana steps out of the kitchen with two bottles of water and a large bag of chips. “Um, my mom left for some conference in Cincinnati this morning and my dad is pulling a double at the hospital.”

 

“So you’re here on your own?” Brittany asks and feels a little ridiculous when Santana gives her that confused puppy dog frown. She changes tactics. “I mean, you’re visiting… I thought they’d want to spend time with you.”

 

That makes Santana smile. “Coming here was kind of last minute and I don’t think they expected me to stay this long. I told them to go. They tried to get out of leaving me here but I don’t mind.” She shrugs and looks at Brittany with eyes that suddenly seem to big and full of promise. “I kind of miss it.”

 

“Me too,” Brittany shrugs breathlessly and she’s glad when Santana doesn’t shy away or blush and hands her a bottle of water before taking her hand.

 

She leads her upstairs and a year ago it would have felt like the most normal thing in the world that Brittany happily took for granted. Now, it’s such a strange feeling and all Brittany can do is hold tighter to Santana’s fingers and hope that she never has to let go.

 

//

 

“So, what do you want to do?”

 

Brittany looks over to her from where she sits on the end of Santana’s bed and shrugs. “I thought you were going to go to sleep.”

 

Santana’s stomach vibrates with nerves. “But then I invited you over,” she mumbles. “That would be rude.”

 

Brittany worries her lip as the slightest blush tickles her cheeks.

 

“I wouldn’t mind,” she says quietly. “You looked like you need it.”

 

Normally, Santana wouldn’t know how to take that but Brittany’s awkwardly sitting on the edge of her bed in a way that she’s never done before. Her ankles are crossed and her hands worry in her lap and she looks so nervous that it almost puts Santana at ease.

 

She’s also so ridiculously exhausted that she doesn’t have the energy to argue with her.

 

“You sure?” she asks quietly from where she continues taking off her heels and throwing them back in her suitcase. “I mean, you don’t have to stay but I could put on the TV. I think I have some DVDs around here and my laptop is somewhere.”

 

She looks around and, for the first time, realizes how much of a mess this room is. There are clothes everywhere, shoes and socks and discarded clothing choices tossed all over the room. It’s nothing new particularly—she’s always been the messiest person she knows and Brittany knows that too—but it’s the first time she’s been consciously embarrassed by it. It seems completely pointless and as she begins to pick up random items of clothing and toss them into the suitcase, she isn’t sure what she’s doing.

 

She’s glad when she finds her laptop hidden beneath one of her sleep shirts. She passes it to Brittany who sets it beside her and chooses to watch her fold all her clothes instead.

 

It isn’t until a softly whispered “ _honey_ ” fills her ears and a hand brushes over the back of her head that she stops. She leans back into the touch and sighs. Brittany’s fingers curl around her hair and scratch at her scalp. The touch makes her feel alive all over and it’s so weirdly familiar that remembering it doesn’t really feel like remembering at all. It feels like waking up.

 

Suddenly, she gets it.

 

“Come here,” Brittany whispers and Santana does as she’s told, clambering to her feet until she stands expectantly in front of her.

 

Brittany looks up at her silently, her face expressionless and her only tell coming from the way that she momentarily reaches up to stroke the hem of Santana’s dress before she snaps back to reality. Santana watches as she swallows slowly and reaches down to take off her boots.

 

She takes Santana’s hands and tugs her around the bed as she kneels her way up it. She pulls her until Santana climbs on beside her and they lay down beside each other silently until a laugh can’t help but escape from Santana’s mouth.

 

“Sorry,” she whispers as she shuffles closer to the middle of the bed. Brittany mirrors her actions and they don’t stop until they’re barely apart. “I don’t know why I’m so anxious.”

 

Brittany reaches up and pushes her hair from her face. “It’s been a long time,” she breathes. “We’ve never gone this long without…” She trails off and sighs. “It’s just been a _really_ long time.”

 

Santana doesn’t say anything but she lets her hand reach out and curl in the fabric of Brittany’s sweater. She holds it tight enough that Brittany will struggle to move away quickly and gentle enough that Brittany shuffles even closer for more contact.

 

“Where are your sheets?” Brittany asks all of a sudden and Santana only then realizes that they’re on cotton instead of the usual silky fabric.

 

Her eyes roll and she smiles in reprieve. “My mom got rid of them. She hated those sheets.”

 

“They were old,” Brittany comments. “I’m surprised they lasted as long as they did.”

 

Santana feels her cheeks pink and rolls into Brittany’s shoulder to hide her face. “They had good memories.”

 

“Yeah,” Brittany says as she rolls onto her back, bringing Santana with her. “But we can make new ones.”

 

Santana’s breath hitches and Brittany’s body stiffens at the sound. Her hand reaches out to grip Santana’s waist and keep her as still as she can. Santana’s not sure why because the last thing she wants to do is move. Her blood feels hot as Brittany tugs her closer and this is the only place she wants to be as her eyes begin to feel heavy again. Her limbs ache for rest and when Brittany wraps her other arm around her, it’s all she needs.

 

She falls asleep quicker than she has done in months.

 

//

 

Brittany spends the afternoon watching Santana sleep.

 

She holds her tighter than she holds anyone else, her body wrapped around her, cradling her in a way that she doesn’t know how to do with anyone but Santana. She buries her nose in Santana’s hair, breathing in a smell she could never forget. She curls dark locks around the tips of her fingers, scrunches it in her palms and lets it fall through her grasp. She strokes Santana’s skin, noses against the sweat that begins to form in a sheen against her neck and shoulder, pressing barely-there kisses to a pulse that she’s sure she sometimes hears in her dreams.

 

Santana’s bed-warm and soft against her, her body completely under her protection. She twitches gently and her fingers hold insistently to Brittany. Warm puffs of breath beat against Brittany’s skin and she wishes they were closer, wishes she could eliminate everything between them and press them together until they never have to be apart again.

 

She’s terrified and grateful all at once and it’s the most bizarre feeling in the world. For months her world has felt like it’s spinning out of control and now she’s here and Santana’s like an anchor, mooring her and preventing her from getting lost.

 

She’s felt so lost and as she sinks down the bed so that she’s level with Santana’s face, she presses their noses together just because it makes her feel still.

 

“It’s hot,” is the first thing that Santana grumbles when she wakes up. Her voice is deeper and more gravelly than when she woke up in the choir room and that’s how Brittany can tell she slept well. She reaches to rub at her right cheek before she drops her hand to pluck at the tightness of her dress. “Stupid dress,” she mumbles cutely as she lets her nose squash against Brittany’s cheek. “Ugh.”

 

Brittany sighs and reluctantly attempts to detangle her body from Santana.

 

“Do you want me to go so you can get changed?” she asks quietly.

 

The words feel strange coming out of her mouth. It’s not an offer that she’s ever made to Santana before. Santana must notice because she shakes her head and rolls back into her. Her arm wraps around Brittany’s body and somehow forces her onto her back, even in exhaustion. She drapes herself over her and Brittany’s breath catches as she watches her reach down for the edge of her dress.

 

“Help,” Santana mumbles sleepily and Brittany doesn’t need to be asked twice. She lets her hands warily reach down to help and holds her breath at the way Santana’s body writhes above her to remove it. It comes off in her hands and she holds it awkwardly before tossing it in the direction of Santana’s suitcase.

 

Santana’s already settled back against her body by the time that she can come to her senses, her mostly bare body pressed completely against her. Her hands hesitate to touch her and she snuggles her cheek against Santana’s because it’s the only thing that feels safe.

 

It isn’t until Santana sleepily pulls back from her body and rolls to the side that Brittany actually snaps out of the constant stream of thoughts in her head. Her blue eyes lock to Santana’s brown ones the minute that she lets out a sleepy groan and pushes at her sweater.

 

“It’s too hot,” Santana complains again before turning over and burying her face into the pillow. Brittany sits up on her elbow and watches her for a moment before Santana lifts her head and gripes again. “Britt—” she mumbles. “It’s too hot.”

 

It takes Brittany a moment to figure out that Santana’s no longer talking about her dress but Brittany’s sweater. The realization makes the butterflies that live in her stomach pull a sudden, quick swoop and she barely pauses before reaching down to take it off. It still leaves her mostly dressed but she quickly pushes her luck, shifting out of jeans until she’s in nothing but her cami, underwear and socks. She quickly reaches down to yank the socks off and tosses them aside before Santana can complain.

 

“Hey,” she whispers as she moves back beside Santana, wondering how she can pry her away from the pillow now that her breathing has deepened again. She lets her eyes flutter down the long stretches of Santana’s bare skin, lets them linger on the black fabric of her matching underwear. She wants to touch her but knows she shouldn’t. Instead, she leans forward and presses the gentlest kiss to the middle of her back.

 

It makes Santana sigh and, before Brittany can react, she’s flat on her back. Santana snuggles into her side and the sudden amount of bare skin that presses against Brittany’s body makes her hold her breath. Santana’s messy hair goes everywhere and Brittany reaches up to brush it back before leaning to kiss her wetly on the shoulder.

 

It makes Santana more alert than Brittany really wanted her to be.

 

“Hey,” she says, head lulling back to look at her. A hand comes up to rest against Brittany’s cheek and sweeps over her skin. “You’re crying. Why are you crying?”

 

She doesn’t answer right away. Instead, she lets herself wallow for a while. She lets herself soak everything in and basks in it before wrapping her arm around Santana’s middle. She slowly strokes the backs of her fingers over Santana’s shoulder and down the curve of her waist. She presses their noses together, breathing in the smell of Santana’s sweat mixed with her perfume. She brushes her hair from her face and lets her fingertips map their way down her neck to the rest of her body. They trace the lines of her collarbones and toy with the lace edging of her bra. Her palm flattens against the deep echo that thuds from Santana’s chest and it’s then that everything suddenly erupts from within her.

 

“Please, Santana,” she whispers as her head tilts back in a gasp for desperate, heartbreaking breath. “ _Please_. Please don’t make me wait anymore,” she begs. “Please, pick me. Please.” She gasps and her hand curls around Santana’s neck to bring her closer. She’s just glad that Santana doesn’t let go and that her fingers reach to tangle in her hair. “Please, don’t leave me. _Please_ , Santana. _Please._ I _love_ you.”

 

Santana’s arms wrap around her and Brittany’s thankful for the soft, soothing noises she feels whispered against her ear. Her fingers continue to stroke over the curve of Santana’s waist and it’s too much and not enough at the same time. Thick, horrible tears sink down her face and make her feel completely hopeless.

 

“I can’t do it anymore,” Brittany hiccups as she clings to her desperately. “I can’t—I can’t. You can’t leave me anymore,” she sighs despairingly. “I’ll do anything. I’ll go anywhere. I promise.”

 

Hands cup her cheeks and look at her carefully but Brittany just keeps sobbing, a lifetime’s worth of tears streaming down her face in one go as she lets it all out.

 

“I can’t—I can’t _do_ it anymore,” she implores pathetically. “I can’t—I can’t pretend that I’m—that I’m—” She breaks off to let out a sob that could almost be a wail. Santana’s eyes are wide and desperate but she just listens and swipes her thumbs over Brittany’s cheeks to stem the flow of tears. “I need you… I need you, I need you, I need you,” Brittany chants because they’re the only words she can think right now. “I just need you.”

 

“Why?” Santana asks sounding just as hopeless.

 

Brittany lets their eyes meet but can’t stop crying. She’s pretty sure there are streams of tears and snot covering her face but she doesn’t care. She pulls Santana closer and grips tightly around her waist.

 

“Because you make me happy,” she explains quietly. “You make me happy and you might not be my dream but when you’re not here—when we’re not together—nothing makes any sense. Everything _hurts_ and I just… I’ve spent _so long_ thinking about how I should never have let you break us up and I feel just as unsure about where we are now as I did back then and I don’t want to let you walk away from me again without having begged you to give me another chance.”

 

Santana clicks her tongue and runs their noses together like she can’t help it. Her thumbs sweep over Brittany’s cheeks insistently and their skin sticks together where they’re both sweating.

 

“Britt Britt…” Santana breathes and hearing that name makes Brittany feel the slightest bit calmer.

 

“I don’t know what I want to do,” she admits forlornly. “But I do know that I can love you better than I can do anything else. Loving you and being with you is what makes sense to me, Santana. That’s when I feel good.”

 

Santana’s eyes sparkle with recognition and understanding. Brittany’s sure she feels a shiver run through her and pulls her closer until one of Santana’s legs has to rest over hers before releasing a relieved sigh.

 

“And I know that wanting to run away to a Greek island with you is idealistic, and selfish and just plain stupid but I don’t even care,” Brittany shrugs. “I just want to go somewhere where we don’t have to give a damn and where there’s nobody we know to worry about and there are no responsibilities. I just want to go somewhere and love you how I want to love you and just be with you and only you. I want to spend so much time with you that I forget how much we wasted. We can just take a time out and figure out our dreams together.”

 

She doesn’t say anything else and instead just watches Santana as she quietly thinks. She sucks her bottom lip underneath her top one and worries it cutely as her hand continues to stroke over Brittany’s cheek. The softest hint of a smile pulls at the corners of her mouth and it’s not until she leans forward and presses an equally as soft kiss to Brittany’s lips that Brittany lets hope swell inside of her.

 

She clutches her so close that Santana can barely pull back.

 

“Okay,” she says quietly.

 

Brittany’s glassy blue eyes widen with excitement. “Really?” she whispers.

 

Santana leans forward and stops just short of a kiss.

 

“Yeah,” she breathes before fusing their lips together.

 

//

 

Brittany kisses her slowly but desperately.

 

They’re sure but they shake with nervous energy and Santana sighs against her lips when Brittany pushes her over onto her back. Her hands go everywhere—frantically tangling in her hair, gently cupping her cheek, desperately gripping the back of her neck, carefully clutching at her waist, sheepishly stroking against her thigh—and all Santana cares about is the harsh and sudden reminder that it only feels like this with Brittany.

 

Brittany makes her feel safe and loved. She holds her in a way that nobody else ever has, careful and like Santana’s the only thing she needs. She holds her like she wants and needs and loves every single part of her. Santana knows that other people don’t hold her like this. They start to get bored and let go after a while but Brittany’s held her the same, all-encompassing, soul-destroying way since the first time.

 

Today, Brittany holds her like she’s a balloon, like she’s a hope that might float away. Her kisses are so precise that Santana can feel the entire shape of her mouth more acutely than ever. It takes her breath away.

 

“Britt Britt…” is all she can gasp in the quick reprieve between kisses, her arms clutching as tightly around Brittany’s body as they can to reassure her. Brittany draws her in with shallow, shuddering breaths and Santana wants to sob as much as she wants to moan in happiness. “I’m here,” she whispers. “I’m here. It’s okay.”

 

Brittany urges her against the pillows and climbs atop her. Warm, thick thighs settle either side of hers and Santana hums in relief as they squeeze hers gently. She reaches to hold the back of them and tilts her chin to meet Brittany’s kisses.

 

“I missed you,” Brittany sighs against her lips, her eyes fluttering when Santana reaches up to capture her top lip. “I missed this. I missed feeling like this. I never thought I’d get to feel like this again.”

 

Santana’s hands slide up her thighs, shamelessly squeezing her backside as they skate up her spine. Her fingers slip underneath the straps of Brittany’s cami and pull her back down by the shoulders.

 

“Like what?” she whimpers as Brittany instantly presses a firm kiss to her lips. “Tell me. Tell me how it feels.”

 

Santana waits while Brittany gets lost in their kiss. Her hand sweeps Santana’s hair from her face and she litters soft pecks over Santana’s cheeks as she pulls back. “G—good,” she struggles breathlessly. “I—I feel happy… wanted…” When Santana leans up and quickly sucks the spot below her ear, Brittany moans uncontrollably. “Oh my god,” she hisses. “So good…”

 

“What else?” Santana asks softly.

 

“I feel like me,” Brittany gasps as her lips part. “I feel whole… like I don’t have to be afraid or scared… or—or worried anymore.” She doesn’t argue when Santana quickly switches their positions and keeps talking as she’s lowered to the bed. “Being without you… I was so lonely… so lonely… and now— _Oh god—_ Nobody else can make me feel like this…”

 

The words catch Santana off guard but they do nothing more than spur her on. She sucks at Brittany’s neck until she’s sure that dark bruises will bloom there before kissing back to her mouth. Brittany’s hands tangle in her hair and Santana doesn’t think she’s ever been like this, so wild and desperately out of control.

 

“What do you need?” Santana groans as she kisses her ear. “Tell me.”

 

Brittany shakes her head and her fingers trace Santana’s cheek as they catch their breath. “It’s too soon…” she pants. “You don’t have to—we can—”

 

Santana squashes their noses together and presses her hips into Brittany’s until she gasps. “Tell me,” she begs. “ _Please_.”

 

A whimper leaves Brittany’s mouth as she frames Santana’s face with her hands. She cups her cheeks as their foreheads press together. “I want you,” Brittany whispers. “Just you.”

 

It’s the only instruction Santana needs and her hand reaches to cup Brittany’s cheek before quickly brushing her hair from her eyes. Brittany’s fingers encircle the wrist of the hand that reaches up to trace over her features. Brittany kisses her fingertips as they pass her lips and then tilts her head so that Santana can feel the pulse in her neck. Santana kisses her then, slow and hot and needy, as her hand drifts lower before pushing it’s way beneath the top of her cami.

 

Brittany groans into Santana’s mouth and it’s the hottest thing ever when she ends up briefly biting Santana’s bottom lip instead of her own. Santana cups her breast and flicks a thumb over her nipple. It makes her shudder and hiss. Her hips writhe longingly beneath Santana’s and Santana’s sure that she’ll be daydreaming of this for weeks.

 

Brittany bites into her kisses, sucks at her lips and holds Santana’s hand against her breast so fiercely that it’s almost painful. She rocks into her like it’s the only thing she can do, panting into Santana’s mouth like it’s the only thing keeping her alive. Santana watches her and isn’t sure if it’s ever been like this or if it’s been so long that she’s forgotten. She doubts it’s the latter as there is no way she’d ever be able to forget the way this is making her feel.

 

She almost pulls away when Brittany starts reaching for her top but stops when Brittany does little more than pull her arms from the straps and pushes it down to offer herself up to Santana. Santana sighs at the silent invitation and shifts downward until she can pull a perfect pink nipple into her mouth to suck on it softly. She feels Brittany shudder beneath her and loves how Brittany has one hand on her wrist and the other in her hair, just to keep her in place.

 

When Santana pulls back to switch breasts, Brittany trembles and rids herself of the cami entirely, pushing it down her body and over her hips until her underwear comes away too. Her smell hits Santana instantly and she can’t help but wonder how long it’s been for Brittany. She kisses her way back up to her mouth and wastes no time letting her hand wander down Brittany’s body to search out silent truths.

 

And she’s so wet—so wet and unforgettably _warm_ —that Santana doesn’t need to know anything other than what Brittany’s relieved gasp tells her.

 

Her fingers pull the softest, most perfect sounds from between Brittany’s parted lips as her blue eyes stare up at Santana in wonderment. Santana watches her with just as much awe, her eyes flitting to every different flicker and twitch that overwhelms her. Brittany’s body curls and arches with her actions, her muscles pulling tighter and tighter as Santana works her higher and higher. Their noses press together as Brittany pants for breath and Santana knows, right then and for the millionth time, that she’ll never be able to get over this. How could she when Brittany’s body is vibrating and shuddering beneath her? How could she when she’s able to watch pleasure fill Brittany’s body, when she’s whimpering Santana’s name and when she’s pulling her closer and closer the nearer she gets? How could she possibly ever want to give this up when she can feel Brittany slowly falling apart all the way up her arm and into her chest?

 

To move on from this would be impossible and, as Brittany arches and trembles, moaning into her mouth as everything snaps into oblivion, Santana knows that she doesn’t want to.

 

 

//

 

Brittany pants desperately for breath as she clutches Santana to her.

 

The soft, liquid warmth of her release overwhelms her body, soaking every muscle in her body with relief. Santana is soft but heavy against her, holding her silently as she lets Brittany slowly drift back down to earth. Her fingers are still pressed firmly inside of her, her palm pressing against the whole of her. Her other hand softly strokes Brittany’s hair from her face, her brown eyes studying her in a way that still makes Brittany feel like she’s the only thing keeping her in existence.

 

When Santana leans down and kisses her nose, Brittany almost wants to cry because, no matter how gentle anyone is with her, nobody is as careful and delicate as Santana. Blood rushes to her face and she gets that weird tingly feeling in her jaw that makes her bottom lip crumble. Santana must see it happen because she quickly leans down to kiss it away, holding it between her own until it relaxes.

 

She kisses her softly, only pulling back to watch Brittany’s face as she takes her fingers from inside her. Brittany whimpers into her mouth and tenses at the slight discomfort. Santana kisses that away too, pressing their lips even more softly together as she reaches for Brittany’s hands and brings them to rest above her head on the pillow.

 

“What?” Brittany can’t help but breathlessly smile, her chest still heaving against Santana’s.

 

Santana shakes her head and bites her lip. “You’re so beautiful like this,” she whispers and the quick but deep kiss that she gives Brittany catches her off guard a little. “I missed you.”

 

As Santana speaks, Brittany becomes quickly aware that her words are one of the only things that she’s needed to hear since she came back. Her chest suddenly feels like it’s turning in on itself, her heart flip-flopping with the sudden rush of wonderful feeling. She’s sure her expression must change and soften but Santana doesn’t comment on it, she just reaches down to stroke her cheek. Her thumb sweeps over Brittany’s skin and Brittany just stares at her for long moments, soaking in everything those words mean.

 

“You did?” she asks and her voice is quiet and tiny like a mouse. It breaks a little at the end.

 

Santana just looks at her like she’s the silliest, most brilliant thing in the world. She gives her another brief, life-affirming kiss before sighing hopelessly.

 

“Of course I did,” she mumbles settling more comfortably against Brittany’s chest. Her nose presses into Brittany’s cheek and Brittany turns into her just because. “I missed your smell and your smile. I missed the way that your ears go pink when we kiss and how your eyes go more blue when you look at me.”

 

She smiles and starts to pet Brittany’s hair, curling it around her ears and back from her face as she takes a brief pause.

 

“I missed the way you hold me and touch me,” she says suddenly, when Brittany’s been lulled comfortably into her touches. “I missed the way you feel—because you feel right and whole and it’s like there are no spaces when you’re here, like I have everything I need.”

 

“Yeah?” Brittany breathes.

 

“Yeah,” Santana says and relents as Brittany slowly begins to push her onto her back. “I was so… unsettled without you… lost, I guess. I didn’t know what I was doing but when you’re here it’s weird. It’s like everything is clear.”

 

Brittany listens to her and watches as she falls back against the pillows. She scrambles over her and watches as Santana’s eyes flutter closed when her naked limbs bracket her and surround her. Brittany’s blond hair litters around them and she nudges Santana’s nose with her own to get her attention.

 

“It’s not weird,” Brittany says quietly, watching as Santana’s eyes flutter open and look between them. She almost laughs because it’s like Santana’s forgotten that she wasn’t just pressed against her like this, like she can’t recall the fact that she just made her fall apart. “I feel like that too. It’s like you’re the only person who gets everything.”

 

“Yeah—” Santana starts to agree but stops when Brittany reaches down to kiss her neck. She takes a deep, steadying breath as Brittany strokes her mouth over her skin. “Yeah—that’s… Yeah…”

 

Brittany doesn’t respond to her, too content to keep tracing aimless patterns over her skin. Her fingers trace over jutted out bones and trail between her breasts. She swirls her fingers over Santana’s stomach and relishes the way that she sucks in a breath when her hand drifts too low. She buries her face into the side of Santana’s head and hides there when she begins to wonder how many people have seen Santana do the same thing. She takes a steadying breath.

 

“I want to kiss you everywhere,” she admits in a whisper like it’s a secret. For the first time, it doesn’t feel like a good thing. “I want to make you forget.”

 

Santana breathes in slowly. “Forget what?”

 

Brittany’s lip threatens to tremble. “I want you to forget that anybody else has touched you but me.” Santana’s head turns to look at her and Brittany suddenly feels embarrassed and ashamed. She feels brown eyes watching her carefully. “I hate thinking about it. I always hated it.”

 

It’s more information than she meant to reveal but Santana gets it anyway. Her hand reaches up to stroke Brittany’s cheek and Brittany almost whimpers when Santana presses a kiss to her forehead.

 

She cups Brittany’s cheeks and reaches up to kiss her briefly before guiding her away. She tilts her head so that Brittany can kiss her forehead, turns to the side so that she can kiss her cheeks and down her jaw. She kisses her lips once again before slowly encouraging Brittany to kiss her neck, stroking her hair when Brittany eagerly takes the skin in her mouth.

 

It isn’t until Brittany’s comfortably kissing beneath Santana’s ear that Santana sighs and speaks.

 

“Even when I was with them,” she breathes brokenly and when Brittany reaches up on instinct to touch her face, she finds it damp. “All I could think about was you.”

 

It doesn’t take long for Brittany to find her mouth at that admission. She kisses across her cheek as her thumb braces against Santana’s jaw. Santana parts her mouth easily and sighs like it’s been days rather than minutes since they last kissed. It’s demanding and drives Brittany crazy all over again, surges her quicker until all she can do is wetly press kisses over Santana’s skin to fulfill her own wish.

 

“Britt…” Santana whispers as Brittany sucks her way down her neck, teeth grazing her pulse before biting at the juncture between her neck and shoulder. Santana winces and groans and lets her, shamelessly willing as her hand tangles in Brittany’s hair.

 

Brittany aches with desperation, pulling down the strap of Santana’s black bra because it’s in the way. Her kisses suck and yearn, frantically unable to concentrate on any one piece of skin before darting to the next.

 

A feeling rises in her so suddenly that she can’t help but feel like she should be crying. It’s thick and desperate and lodges in her chest, nags at the back of her throat to be released. But the tears never come, just more overwhelming need as her mouth finds and kisses every patch of skin it can. Her hands remove Santana’s bra as she sucks and nips at her shoulder and her mouth finds her breasts before the fabric is even lifted from her body.

 

She guides the skin to her mouth, cupping and squeezing them and ignoring how Santana’s hand clutches at the front of her underwear like she wants to yank them off. She refrains but only because Brittany reaches for her hands and places them above her head and forces them to stay there by kissing down the insides of one arm while she scratches down the other. Her mouth kisses Santana’s bicep, mouth sliding across the side of her body before kissing over her strong hipbones and up the other side.

 

By the time that she kisses her way back to Santana’s stomach, Brittany knows that she’s way past ready but carries on. She kisses over the front of her underwear, breathing her in before drifting down each leg in turn. When she tugs black silk down Santana’s legs and doesn’t instantly settle her mouth between them, Brittany knows it confuses Santana. She looks at her with a parted, panting mouth and furrows her brow.

 

When she crawls back up Santana’s body and slips a thigh between hers, it’s good enough to appease every growing feeling inside of Brittany. She rolls her body experimentally, checking she still knows the right rhythm, the right pressure. She gasps at the feel of Santana’s wetness against her, at the drag of Santana’s folds against the firmness of her thigh. Santana pants into her mouth and groans when Brittany reaches to lift one of her thighs to the side to make more room.

 

“Britt—” Santana whines, her voice pitched sharply against Brittany’s ear and Brittany doesn’t need to be asked twice. She kisses her wetly, tongue slipping between her lips so that Santana can suck on it as her hips jerk up into Brittany’s.

 

And Brittany loves the way her pelvis tilts into her, the way her breasts move slowly like the ebb of the ocean. Her hands obediently remain on the pillow around her head except now they clutch at the headboard for some semblance of control.

 

She’s so wet that it’s almost difficult to keep the rhythm that her moans lost long ago. Santana just keeps mumbling her name over and over again, hissing it out only to groan it happily a second later. Brittany doesn’t think she can keep up with this for much longer, the need to feel with her hands overwhelming her much quicker than it usually does. After all, it’s been too long since she last did this and she’s desperate to know if it still takes the same things to make Santana come.

 

“Britt Britt…” Santana whimpers and Brittany can feel her leg weakly wrapping around her waist, her arms clutching around her shoulders to anchor herself. “Oh, Britt Britt…”

 

Brittany’s hand cups her cheek momentarily before drifting down between their bodies as she kisses her gently. “I’m here,” she whispers, as her fingers stroke slowly over Santana’s center, rubbing where everything is already swollen and ready. “I’m here.”

 

She fits a finger inside of her without pausing and swallows the hiss of discomfort Santana releases. She’s so tight and warm and when Brittany pulls back to fill two fingers inside of her, her hip stutter with the welcome intrusion as her legs widen just that little more.

 

“I need to see you come,” Brittany sucks in around a breath. The fading light of the afternoon sun makes Santana’s hair look gold and bronze. “I need to see you fall apart… I need to feel… I need to watch…”

 

She uses the leverage of her thigh to drive harder inside of her until Santana gasps with each thrust, tightening so much that for a second Brittany isn’t sure if she’s already coming. She kisses her nose, her chin and opens her eyes to find Santana staring up at her contentedly, even as her eyelids flutter.

 

Her mouth gasps around words as her brow pulls tight. Brittany watches her, watches how her lips move as she wraps her arms around her and pulls Santana until she sits cradled in her lap. Santana sinks onto her fingers with a shrill gasp and Brittany realizes what she’s mouthing the minute her hip begin to rock against her hand in a hurried frenzy.

 

Her arm wraps tighter around her and her wrist begins to ache with the effort.

 

“I love you, too,” she sighs as Santana ruts against her, moisture dripping down Brittany’s hand as she hits that soft spot that sometimes makes Santana scream. Santana groans beyond words, trembles with the need for release. Brittany strokes carefully at the base of her back and kisses her softly as she struggles for breath.

 

“I’m com—I’m com—” she tries even as it starts to become impossible for Brittany to move her fingers. Santana presses her nose to Brittany’s and gives in to the way that her body begins to shake and tense with oncoming pleasure. Brittany’s hand tangles in the hair at the back of her neck and her hips cant just once, twice more before Santana’s back arches and stills for long, overwhelming moments.

 

It lasts longer than normal—longer than it _used_ to—and Brittany lets her mouth part to mirror Santana’s as her head tilts back with the pleasure. She presses soft kisses to Santana’s bottom lip and keeps her coming as long as she can with the softest, slightest movements of her fingers. She’s not even sure if Santana’s taken a breath yet but she blinks, hips quivering with the pleasure that invades every part of her.

 

And when she does come down—slowly and softly—it’s with the prettiest gasp Brittany’s ever heard. Her hips snap back before rolling steadily like a wave. Her grip around Brittany’s shoulder loosens and she goes limp in her arms. She pants for breath and softly takes the kisses Brittany gives her before wincing away from the continued movement between her legs.

 

“Sorry,” Brittany whispers as she softly pulls her hand from between them. Santana’s still searching for breath and looks ridiculously beautiful as she stares gratefully into Brittany’s eyes.

 

A lazy smile covers her face and she runs her thumb slowly over Brittany’s cheek before pressing their lips together.

 

“Never be sorry for that,” she whispers before falling back into the pillows with a satisfied smile.

 

//

 

Waking up to Brittany for the second time in one day is kind of overwhelming but Santana doesn’t question it. She watches her for a few seconds, taking in how absolutely breathtaking Brittany is and doesn’t remember waking up and feeling this happy.

 

Brittany is soft and sleepy beside her, bed warm and still sticky with sweat. Her blonde hair looks stark in comparison to the dark purple pillow it buries into. It falls across her face like normal and Santana sweeps it from her eyes before letting her hands drift down Brittany’s back beneath the covers. She scratches there softly, waiting and loving how Brittany snuggles closer and becomes softer, just like she used to. Her quiet sleepy snores even out as she becomes more and more settled with each touch. Santana drifts closer and presses her nose as close to Brittany’s as she can without touching her and loves how Brittany instinctively moves just that little bit closer until it does.

 

It makes her smile and she doesn’t argue when Brittany’s arm wraps tighter around her, when she sleepily tugs until they’re completely flush together. She closes the distance between their lips without thinking and kisses her softly until Brittany inhales deeply and starts kissing back.

 

When they part, Brittany sighs and leaves her eyes closed.

 

“Time is it?” she mumbles breathily.

 

Santana keeps scratching her back to settle her again, suddenly feeling bad that she woke her up. “It’s still light out,” she says in a voice that she’s pretty sure only Brittany’s heard. “You can keep sleeping if you want to.”

 

Brittany arches into the scratches on her back and Santana inhales at the feel of all of Brittany’s curves and hard muscles pressing against her more firmly.

 

“Don’t want to,” Brittany mumbles even as her breathing remains regulated and slow. “Not tired.”

 

Santana kisses her forehead and smiles. “Then what do you wanna do?”

 

“Apart from you?” Brittany mumbles and it’s only when Santana’s gasped at her words that she lets her smirk show.

 

One of her eyes opens sleepily and before Santana can do or say anything, Brittany’s urged her gently onto her back. She still presses all of her muscles against Santana and her legs bracket Santana’s thighs. Santana keeps scratching at the base of her back until Brittany’s hips jolt against her every few moments and a hitched breath sucks into her throat. Brittany smiles at her coyly and kisses her quickly until there’s a tongue in her mouth and a moan stuck in her throat.

 

“You’re bad,” Santana breathes into the suddenly hot air of the room. “Haven’t you had enough?”

 

Brittany shakes her head, her nose bumping Santana’s as she does. She sucks briefly on Santana’s bottom lip before biting it quickly. Santana’s nails grip tightly at her waist and when Brittany giggles, she feels something in her quiver.

 

“Maybe,” Brittany whispers, kissing her once, twice before leaning up to look at her. Santana stares up at her and breathes in deeply at the stormy blue she sees. Brittany’s smile softens and when she leans down the next time, there’s no promise in her kiss, only silent need.

 

“I love you,” Brittany whispers breathlessly, one hand coming up to cup and hold Santana’s cheek carefully. She’s so delicate that Santana doesn’t know what to do so she just holds on. Her words bubble from her thoughtlessly.

 

“I know,” she whispers because as Brittany kisses her, any doubts and any thoughts to the contrary she’s ever had, become nonexistent. Brittany loves her so honestly, so carefully, and so unlike anyone else she’s ever met, that Santana can’t argue. “I know you do,” she sighs. “I love you, too.”

 

She lets Brittany pull her arms until they’re above her head on the pillow and tangle their fingers together. She hums into the kiss, too happy with the feel of Brittany’s body pressed so brilliantly against hers to do anything else. Brittany’s mouth is hot and just a little stale from her nap but she’s still the sweetest thing Santana’s ever tasted. The kiss is opened mouthed but innocent and Santana doesn’t care that she’s panting and breathless when Brittany’s tongue is tangled around hers. She kisses her to make up for the months without and kisses her just because she wants to.

 

She kisses her until the deep, dark rumble of Brittany’s hungry stomach causes her to pull back and giggle into Brittany’s mouth.

 

When her eyes open, they find Brittany’s eyes squeezed closed and her cheeks red in embarrassment that covers the blush of something else. She’s smiling uncomfortably and Santana watches her as her stomach rumbles again, yearning for something that Santana can’t give her.

 

“Hungry?” she asks knowingly when blue eyes flutter open and roll knowingly.

 

“Kinda,” she says. “But I can wait.”

 

Her stomach rumbles again, louder than both times before and Santana’s eyebrows shoot up her forehead as Brittany lets go of her hands to urge them between their bodies and against her stomach.

 

“When was the last time you ate?” Santana laughs even though she’s just the tiniest bit concerned.

 

Brittany shrugs rubs her tummy so that the backs of her fingers unknowingly stroke over Santana’s stomach too. “I don’t know,” she says shyly. “Last night, I guess.”

 

“Last night?!” Santana repeats incredulously and urges Brittany back until they can both sit up. “Why didn’t you say?”

 

Brittany shrugs. “Because…” she mumbles. “I don’t know. You were sleepy.”

 

The words make Santana’s heart squeeze and she sighs softly before wrapping her arms around Brittany and kissing her quickly.

 

“C’mon,” she says. “Let’s find you something to wear. I’ll make you dinner.”

 

They pull on their underwear and Santana finds them two old sleep shirts to wear instead of their clothes. She gives Brittany the light blue one but keeps the ratty old red plaid one for herself, tugging it over her backside while Brittany haphazardly fastens the buttons on her until it’s lopsided and barely covering anything at all.

 

She takes her hand and leads her downstairs to her mother’s fancy kitchen, guiding her to one of the counter stools before handing her the remote to the TV in the corner. Brittany flicks through the channels while Santana searches through her mother’s pantry for ingredients. She smiles when Brittany finds one of the cable music stations and rolls her eyes knowingly when she reenters the kitchen to find her dancing in her chair.

 

Brittany barely notices her when she settles her ingredients down on the counter, reaching for a pan that she can set the bread out on. She finds a saucepan for the tomato soup and heats up the frying pan to start cooking some bacon. Brittany’s still dancing in her chair when she turns to look at her, watching her for a few moments until the smell of bacon, warming bread and tomato soup fills her nostrils. It must fill Brittany’s a few seconds later because she turns and catches her eye, grinning happily before continuing to dance to some old nineties R&B song.

 

She’s assembling Brittany’s favorite grilled cheese when Brittany gets up from her chair, moving around the kitchen to the slow and sexy Beyoncé song that’s now playing on the TV. Her hips sway as her arms move in time with the music. When the drop happens, Brittany shakes her ass just like Beyoncé does in the video moving closer and closer until she meets Santana. Santana turns to her with a look, wiping her hands on the dishtowel before dropping it behind her on the counter. Brittany’s hand finds her waist as her hips move against her and Santana tries not to react to the way that her cheeks are pink as she mimes along to the music. She tries not to think about the fact that Brittany’s not wearing a bra under the thin sleep shirt or how cute her butt looks in her grey and blue panties.

 

It gets harder and harder the more that Brittany dances against her, her smile growing and goading Santana to do something. Santana’s momentarily reminded of herself, goading Brittany exactly the same way a few days ago. It makes her happy to see Brittany here now, dancing like she can’t stop herself. It’s normal and completely welcome and Santana lets her smile overtake her face as her hands find Brittany’s shoulders.

 

They’re still dancing when the song is over and only stop when Santana momentarily leans over to take the grilled cheese from the oven and turn off the soup. Her arms return to Brittany’s shoulders straight after, joining in with the silly, over-exaggerated dance moves she does to Justin Timberlake’s _Suit and Tie_ , swaying her hips as Brittany spins and twirls her. They get so caught up in dancing that it’s not until some old, slow Motown song comes on that they slow down.

 

The song weirdly catches Santana off-guard because it’s so out of place with the songs that played before it. It’s an old song that her parents used to dance around to and while she slows to a halt, Brittany reaches for her hands and brings them until they’re wrapped around her shoulders. Her own arms wrap around Santana’s waist and pull her until she’s as close as can be before beginning to sway to the music.

 

Santana moves with her instinctively, leaning closer until she can press their cheeks together and close her eyes. Her arms wrap tightly around her shoulders as she listens to the lyrics of the song.

 

_Always and forever, each moment with you_

_Is just like a dream that somehow came true_

When Brittany starts whispering the words in her ear, it softens her more than she thought possible. She soaks up the way that Brittany holds her, the smell of her hair and her skin and the sound of her voice. She bites her lip because the sudden urge to laugh or cry or both overwhelms her. Brittany must notice because she suddenly holds her tighter, even as she pulls back to cradle her cheek. Her blue eyes are glassy but she presses their noses together as she keeps whispering the words.

 

“ _There’ll always be sunshine_ ,” she whispers, smiling sofly. “ _When I look at you_ …” Santana smiles and reaches up to tangle her hands in her hair. “ _It’s something I can’t explain… just the things that you do…_ ”

 

When Santana leans forward and kisses her, it’s the most instinctive thing to do. Her hands grip in her hair and she barely has to move because Brittany’s holding her so close. She kisses her with certainty as the music sounds in the background, growing to its closing crescendos. Brittany sighs into her mouth and pulls her so close that her feet lift off the ground.

 

When the song ends and they’re still kissing, it doesn’t matter. They keep kissing because they have to, because they want to, and pull back grinning.

 

“My parents used to dance around to that all the time,” Brittany giggles after a few moments of catching their breath.

 

She doesn’t seem to understand when her words make Santana’s breath hitch quietly in the back of her throat. Her brow furrows and Santana laughs with a shrug.

 

“Mine too,” she whispers in explanation and as Brittany’s face falls in recognition, Santana knows one thing.

 

That they’ll be dancing around to it always and forever too.

 

//

 

She’s eating the tomato soup and cold grilled cheese sandwich that Santana made her when Santana pokes her in the side to get her attention. She peers back behind her with a smile and loves the way that Santana kisses her forehead before she speaks. Her thighs squeeze at Brittany’s hips and the arm around her waist tugs just that little bit tighter.

 

“Um. Are you staying over?” Santana asks nonchalantly, trying to hide the obvious nervousness behind a bite of her own sandwich. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

 

Brittany looks back down to hide the smile she knows Santana can’t see anyway and decides to tease her a bit.

 

“Do you want me to stay over?” she asks even though she already knows the answer and isn’t even sure why they’re having this conversation.

 

Santana shrugs adorably behind her, the muscles in her legs tensing and the grip around Brittany’s waist tightening before loosening. “I don’t mind,” she says. “…if you want to go home, that is.”

 

Brittany bites her lip and lets her head tilt back onto Santana’s shoulder. “What would you do if I did?”

 

Santana doesn’t look at her and concentrates on her laptop that they set up at the end of the bed to play the old movie they’re watching. She shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know,” she mumbles. “Go to bed, I guess.”

 

Brittany smiles and watches her carefully, loving how pretty and adorable she looks trying not to care. “And what would you do if I stayed?”

 

Santana shrugs and turns to look at her with the cutest pink blush on her cheeks. “I don’t know,” she mumbles and Brittany can’t take it anymore.

 

She leans in to awkwardly kiss Santana over her shoulder before pulling back gently. “Then I think I’ll stay.”

 

It’s fun just to watch Santana’s light up in happiness. “Yeah?” Brittany nods and sucks in her own bottom lip, tasting grilled cheese, tomato soup and Santana. “Are you gonna call your mom and ask her?”

 

That, more than anything, makes Brittany want to get rid of their plates and push the laptop off the bed so that they can do something much more productive. She giggles and nudges Santana with an affectionate push of her nose.

 

“Honey, we’re nineteen,” she reminds her softly. “We don’t have to ask my mom for permission anymore.” Santana quickly blushes and rolls her eyes. “But I should probably text her telling her I won’t be back tonight… and maybe I can tell her that you’ll come over for breakfast tomorrow?”

 

Santana relaxes beneath her and her face becomes happy and peaceful. The hand wrapped around Brittany’s waist wanders beneath the fabric of her sleep shirt and scratches over Brittany’s tummy until she begins stretching out and opening like a happy cat.

 

“Yeah, okay,” she agrees. “That’d be nice.”

 

Brittany grins, biting her lip as she sits forward and gets up to set their plates on Santana’s empty desk. Her laptop sits beside them a few moments later, and once Brittany’s closed the curtains, delved inside Santana’s purse to find the lighter she always keeps there and lit the candles that still litter her room, everything feels just right.

 

She wanders back over to the bed and crawls up it until she can part Santana’s legs and kneel between them. Santana watches her curiously, one hand resting beneath her head as the other rests innocently on her stomach. The smell of vanilla slowly begins to waft around them and Brittany scratches up Santana’s thighs before grabbing at her hips. She strokes them quietly, the sound of the old movie still playing on Santana’s laptop and both of their unsteady breathing the only sounds in the room. Santana licks her lips and doesn’t say anything, just watches and waits but still gasps when Brittany pulls her harshly forward, yanking her closer until their pelvises are flush together.

 

She looks down at Santana as her body drapes deliciously over the bed, one arm still behind her head as the other stretches out over the sheets. It makes Brittany pant desperately for breath and she pulls Santana towards her, thrusting their hips together over and over again until her chin tilts back to reveal a perfect neck and dark hair spills over the covers.

 

Their bodies writhe together as Brittany unfastens the buttons of Santana’s shirt and pushes it aside to reveal the same black silky bra she’d taken great happiness in removing earlier. Her hands stroke over the cups, squeezing the flesh held in them and loving the way that Santana instantly rubs herself against Brittany’s stomach because of the action. Her hands return to Santana’s hips, tilting and widening them until she has enough room that she can lean forward and bury her mouth in Santana’s cleavage. She sucks there, letting bruises bloom against her skin as her hands reach up to pull down the cups of her bra and reveal tight nipples. She sucks one into her mouth until Santana’s gasping for breath, until she’s wet against her stomach, and then kisses her way up to Santana’s mouth.

 

Santana’s lips part welcomingly, opening to desperately suck at Brittany’s tongue. Her hands grab at the shirt on Brittany’s shoulders, tugging and pulling until Brittany abruptly draws back and smiles.

 

“You know, we don’t have to do this,” she pants teasingly. “We can still go to bed… if you want to.”

 

Her words make Santana groan in the best kind of annoyance, her hands instantly ripping the shirt from Brittany’s body as her hips rut against her stomach. A hand tangles in Brittany’s hair and pulls her until their mouths are almost touching, stopping just short of a kiss.

 

“Stop talking,” Santana hisses and Brittany grins.

 

“Yes, ma’am,” she whispers, closing the space between them to do as she’s told.

 

//

 

Santana nervously checks her make-up in the visor mirror for the fourth time, running her fingers over her cheeks as she makes sure she looks okay.

 

And she’s not entirely sure why she’s so nervous to be going to Brittany’s house for breakfast. It’s not like it’s going to be a big thing. Brittany’s dad’s probably going to be getting ready for work and her mom is probably going to be chasing her little sister around trying to force her to get ready. Santana’s been to her house for breakfast so many times that she knows the routine better than she knows her own. It just doesn’t help that she hasn’t been part of it for almost a year and that, up until forty-five minutes ago, when she’d forced Brittany to take a shower instead of waiting till she got home, Brittany had stunk of sweat and sex and _her._

“Would you please calm down?” Brittany giggles, grabbing her hand across the console and holding it in her lap. Santana doesn’t know how she’s so damn calm. She knows she wouldn’t be if she were the one rocking up to breakfast with her parents in the same clothes she wore yesterday and an air about her that reeked of _just-got-laid_ even if she didn’t actually smell of anything but Santana’s cocoa butter body wash anymore. “I don’t get what you’re so nervous about.”

 

“I’m not nervous,” Santana states as she begins to tug at the bottom of her dress. “I’m just concerned, is all. The last time I was at your house your parents weren’t home and the last time I saw them before that was before I stupidly broke your heart and I’m just concerned that they’re going to be worried about that.”

 

“They already said they’re excited to see you,” Brittany reminds her.

 

“And?” Santana says. “They could be excited to see me because they’re finally able to tear me a new one for hurting their little girl. I mean… I know I would be.”

 

“I’m pretty sure my mom just wants to make you pancakes,” Brittany says, narrowing her eyes playfully as she turns into the driveway. Santana pouts and doesn’t move until Brittany’s leaning over to press the softest kind of kisses to her cheek. “C’mon,” she whispers in that cute, tiny little voice that Santana can’t resist at all.

 

As it turns out, Brittany’s mom hugs her for five minutes straight and she isn’t trying to wrangle Brittany’s sister into getting ready for school because she’s somehow turned into the most disgusting pain in the ass of a teenager over night. She’s about a foot taller and she scoffs at her parents, Brittany and Santana the whole way through breakfast as she blasts out text messages on her phone. Her dad is still his ridiculously dorky self and Santana doesn’t feel weird or awkward when Brittany takes her hand over the top of the breakfast table. She doesn’t even blush when Brittany tells her parents she’s going to get changed and drags Santana upstairs behind her.

 

They end up making out on Brittany’s bed for twenty minutes, Santana fully dressed while Brittany only has her underwear on, and it’s not until Santana gets a text that they remember they have to be somewhere. They barely get to say goodbye to Brittany’s parents and it’s Brittany who’s nervous when they make their way to McKinley. Santana takes her hand and looks at her curiously.

 

“What are we telling people?” Brittany says when they’ve just been sat there in awkward silence for longer than they should have been. “I mean, they all still think you have a girlfriend.”

 

“Are you saying I don’t?” Santana teases, her thumb pressing into the back of her hand.

 

Brittany flushes pink and forgets to hide her goofy smile. “No,” she mumbles happily. “I’m just saying that I don’t want to do anything that’ll make you look bad. I know Rachel and Kurt are friends with Dani and I just…”

 

“We don’t have to say anything,” Santana says to appease the worry. “We can just… be us and then we’ll tell them everything when we’re ready…. When they need to know, okay?”

 

Brittany smiles in relief and leans over to kiss her when they’ve pulled into her normal space in the back parking lot. “I told the newbies that I’d help them with something this morning. Do you want to come with?”

 

Santana shakes her head and bites her lip before she speaks. “I need to go think about what I’m going to text the director of _Funny Girl_ and then I need to go find Rachel.”

 

Brittany smiles proudly. “D’you wanna hang out in here for a while?” she asks, taking the keys from her car and holding them out to her.

 

Santana takes them and holds them in her lap. “You don’t mind?”

 

Brittany shakes her head and then kisses her jaw. “I trust you,” she mumbles. “See you in a bit.”

 

“Okay,” Santana whispers. “Love you.”

 

Brittany stops opening the door and suddenly climbs into her lap before kissing her furiously. It’s not until ten minutes later, when Brittany pulls back abruptly and gets out of the car, that Santana even realizes what’s happened.

 

“Love you too,” Brittany says as explanation and it leaves a smile on Santana’s face that she doesn’t manage to wipe off until forty minutes later when she’s talking to Rachel.

 

And making everything good with Rachel is just another of the dozens of things that are making her want to shriek with happiness this week. Rachel isn’t mean when she metaphorically throws the towel in and instead she calls her brave and asks to sing a song with her. They spend an hour trying to pick a song for later and then Santana happily helps Rachel to run her lines. It isn’t until they’re both exhausted and taking a much-deserved break that Santana feels the need to do something else.

 

“I need to tell you something,” she says quietly. “I, um, I broke up with Dani.”

 

Rachel turns to her and when Santana manages to turn to the side and catch her eye, she finds her staring back knowingly. “I heard,” she states plainly before nudging their shoulders together when Santana sighs sadly and looks away. “She called Kurt and said that she didn’t want to be part of the band anymore. She told him when he asked why.”

 

Santana tugs at the bottom of her dress and clutches her hands together. “Did he say if she said why I did it?”

 

Rachel slowly shakes her head. “But I’m sure you have your _reasons_.”

 

The uncontrollable smile that Santana had woke up with that morning—when she found Brittany curled around her back—suddenly finds itself back on her face. It makes Rachel give her a curious look and she physically has to wipe her hand across her face in an attempt to remove it.

 

When Rachel grins and nudges her shoulder, she shakes her head. “I can’t say much about it right now because I’m not entirely sure what’s happening but yeah,” she smiles happily and loves the fact that she can feel happy instead of just pretending to look it. “Good reasons.”

 

Rachel leans in knowingly. “Does it have anything to do with a certain Miss Pierce?” she stage whispers. Santana feels her face burn and buries it in her hands when Rachel’s eyes widen and sparkle. “Oh, _really_?!” she gasps. “Well, well, well…”

 

“You can’t say anything yet,” Santana warns her quietly. “I mean, not until I know what’s happening.”

 

“Of course,” Rachel nods and Santana jumps when and arm wraps around her shoulders and draws her in. “You look happy,” she tells her proudly. “Really, really happy.”

 

Santana giggles and shrugs her shoulders. “I am,” she nods enthusiastically. “I really am.”

 

//

 

Sneaking around with Santana now is way better than sneaking around with her back in the day, when things were hard and scary.

 

It’s better because she can dance around to Santana and Rachel singing and know that Santana’s hers, and she can rest her hand on Santana’s knee while they eat lunch without worrying that Santana’s gonna have a total freak out and, when Santana starts to quietly play with her fingers while Puck and Quinn are performing, it totally gets her butterflies going more than usual because she can tell that they’re not hiding, they’re just waiting.

 

It also means that, when Artie accidentally catches them making out in the backseat of Brittany’s car after Glee Club when they thought everyone else had gone to get coffee at the Lima Bean, neither of them jump up to explain themselves. Brittany just awkwardly opens the door and lets her head hang upside down to look up at him in question.

 

“Hey, Artie,” she says, running her hands over Santana’s back to appease the annoyed mumblings that she’s making. “What’s up? We thought you were getting coffee.”

 

It says a lot about how far they’ve all come when Artie lets out a knowing chuckle and smiles at them.

 

“We were,” he explains, his smile not falling. “But then Ms. Holliday asked me to do something for Mr. Schue and we decided not to.” Brittany nods in interest and doesn’t react when Santana tries to stealthily refasten her jeans for her. “That’s why I’m here, actually.”

 

“Oh, yeah?” Brittany says as calmly as she can when Santana’s decided she’s bored of waiting and has reburied her face in Brittany’s neck.

 

Artie’s smile seems to drop a little bit but Brittany just strokes Santana’s hair until she decides she’s no longer feeling sexy but snuggly instead. Brittany gives Artie a calm smile as Santana snuggles into her and hides her face.

 

“I—We’re making a video… for Mr. Schue and thought maybe you’d want to be a part of it,” Artie shrugs and Brittany watches him as he curiously admires how Santana softens against her.

 

“Sure!” Brittany nods. “Just give us ten minutes. Maybe twenty.”

 

Artie nods and Brittany grins before yanking the door closed. They don’t show up for another forty-five minutes and Brittany’s glad when nobody says anything, even when she’s wearing the smuggest look she can. She sits beside Santana for Artie’s video and feels the giddiest kind of silly. They don’t stay to join everyone for that coffee and only Artie and Rachel smile amusedly when they make completely awful excuses as to why they can’t. Instead, Brittany drags Santana back to her house and forces her to have dinner with her parents.

 

It’s fun and Brittany’s still sure that her little sister has been abducted by aliens but it doesn’t matter when Santana’s laughing at her dad’s jokes and nodding when her mom asks her if she wants more pasta. It’s a nice reminder of her old life but it’s also better. It’s better because now she knows what it’s like to come home and explain to her mom that Santana isn’t coming for dinner like normal because they broke up and she’s seen her mom’s disappointment when she told her that Sam was coming for dinner because they’re dating. It’s better because she’s at least eighty-four percent sure that, from now on, on the rare occasions that she comes back to Lima to show her face, Santana will be right beside her.

 

(That’s if Santana doesn’t change her mind about that whole running away to Lesbos thing. And if Brittany’s honest, she’s still kind of worried about bringing it up...)

 

After dinner, they watch movies in the family room and Santana doesn’t get at all awkward when Brittany snags the big armchair and yanks her down into her lap. She just kicks off her shoes and snuggles in beside her.

 

And when Brittany’s mom sends her sister off to her bedroom and tells them that she’s going to bed and that she’ll make them waffles for breakfast, there’s no question to whether Santana’s staying over or not. It doesn’t even matter that they probably aren’t going to have sex because Santana doesn’t ask before she goes through Brittany’s drawers to find the same old t-shirt and boxers she’s been wearing since they were Freshman, and she closes Brittany’s drapes before asking Brittany to unzip her dress like it’s something she does every day.

 

Brittany’s still standing there fully dressed by the time that Santana’s shoving Lord Tubbington to the end of the bed and snuggling up under her covers. She looks exactly like she used to in high school and as Brittany changes into an equally as ratty old t-shirt and climbs in behind her, she feels completely happy.

 

Santana turns over and leans in to kiss her the minute she turns out the light, lips moving slowly and softly until Brittany’s body completely relaxes. Their noses press and Santana scratches carefully at her back and when she easily falls asleep, everything feels right.

 

//

 

They spend most of the day out on the football field, listening to music on Kurt’s old boom box and wishing that they had something stronger than a can of soda as they wait for the others to be finished with class.

 

It’s slowly becoming clear to Santana that, as much as they’ve been trying to keep whatever this is to themselves for now, they’ve kind of been failing at actually doing it. Rachel and Artie know and they’re not sure if Kurt caught them this morning before they realized he was nearby. Santana’s pretty sure that Quinn developed a highly acute sixth sense about them during their many years of sleepovers so it’s no surprise that, when Brittany lays down and rests her head in Santana’s lap, nobody bats an eyelid.

 

It’s like the most natural thing in the world and as Santana stares down at Brittany before starting to stroke her hair, it’s only Rachel who gives her an obnoxious shoulder nudge and grin.

 

And when Santana’s back starts to hurt from sitting up all afternoon, Brittany doesn’t think twice before laying back and tugging Santana until she’s tucked into her side. The sun is warm and Brittany is soft yet solid beneath her—and wearing way too many clothes, if Santana’s honest—and it makes Santana think about Lesbos in a way that’s less of a dream and more of a thing that she really wants to happen.

 

In fact, this whole week has made Santana feel like, yeah, she could probably disappear to Europe and do what most high school graduates do if given half a chance. She just doesn’t know if she wants to do that long term.

 

New York has kind of become her home and, weirdly, she can’t imagine not living close to Kurt and Rachel. Having Brittany there would make it the perfect place on earth for her but Santana’s not even sure if Brittany _wants_ that. All she’s said she wants to do is get away from MIT and go to Greece so they can spend all their time together without anyone watching.

 

Except they dance to _Don’t Stop Believing_ and Brittany wraps and arm around her waist and all Santana wants is for people to be watching. She wants everyone to see them because she wants them to know that all the things she promised—all the angrily muttered promises that she and Brittany were supposed to be forever—weren’t crazy or stupid or naïve because Brittany believed that too.

 

And she really doesn’t give a crap who knows about them when she’s faced with the fact that she’s not going to be able to fall asleep beside Brittany tonight. Brittany promised her parents she’d go visit her family a town over and Santana told Rachel and Kurt that they could have a sleepover at her parents’ house while her mom was out of town. She kisses Brittany right there in front of their friends without caring or thinking.

 

Rachel and Kurt have the heart not to mention it until they’re all in their pajamas and watching E! in her living room. She finds herself spilling everything out until Rachel has a hand pressed to her chest and Kurt actually looks like he may vomit. Her cheeks feel red and it’s been four hours and she already misses Brittany like crazy. She feels pathetic and vulnerable when she asks them what she’s supposed to do but suddenly feels sure when Rachel crawls up beside her and hugs her tightly.

 

“You do whatever you have to,” she whispers and there’s a lilt to her voice that sounds so much like regret and grief that it leaves a lump in Santana’s throat.

 

And it’s not until Rachel and Kurt are both asleep on her bedroom floor and her phone is vibrating that Santana knows exactly what she has to do. She forgets her laptop in front of her and rolls onto her side to get it from the nightstand. Brittany’s name shows up on her screen and she’s already happier than she’s been in hours.

 

 _I kind of hate sleeping without you_ , Brittany texts her shamelessly. _I miss your snuggles :(. I love you now more than I ever have. x_

 

It makes a sleepy sigh leave Santana’s lips and she’s typing back her reply when another message comes through.

 

 _PS_ , it says. _I’ll be yours forever._

The words have Santana rolling onto her back, sighing out heavily and clutching her chest. She types out her reply and it feels more inadequate than anything else she’s ever written.

 

 _Me too_ , she writes. _Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you x_

When Brittany doesn’t reply after that, Santana grabs her laptop and continues doing what she was doing. She keeps searching until searching isn’t enough anymore and she knows that she can’t deny what she wants any longer. She needs to put it all out on the line, just like Brittany did. She needs to make it happen if she wants to be as happy as she knows she can be. Typing in her debit card details have never been easier and as soon as she does, that weird, empty, unknowing feeling that’s she’s perpetually carried around with her since the minute she left Lima, miraculously disappears and transforms into soul-shaking nerves.

 

She barely sleeps all night and spends most of it going back and forth wondering if she’s done the right thing. She nearly cancels the tickets four times before shoving her laptop away from her and wrapping herself up in her sheets like a cocoon. She wraps her arms around herself and imagines that it’s Brittany, holding her until she settles.

 

It doesn’t make her sleep but it makes her feel more certain. It reminds her of the most important thing, which is that, of the dreams she’s actually been sure of, Brittany’s made them all come true. It’s time she returned the favor and as she slowly drifts off something occurs to her.

 

She falls asleep smiling, the only thoughts in her head of a perfect idea, Brittany, and the future they’ll have together.

 

//

 

When Coach Sylvester calls her name, she’s not sure if she wants to laugh or cry or both.

 

She does neither because Santana’s slipping her graduation cap on her head and nervously explaining all these things that make perfect sense. It makes it really hard not to just lean forward and smooch the heck out of her but she refrains, letting the feeling fester and grow inside of her, spurred by her excitement as she kisses her cheek instead.

 

And then Mike is helping her to put her gown on and she’s running up to the stage and getting her diploma. She smiles and takes it quickly, grinning as the realization that she’s _graduating_ washes over her. It’s kind of overwhelming and that unsure cry-or-laugh feeling overcomes her again because, in less than a week, the two things she never thought she’d be lucky to get have been hers.

 

She blows a kiss to Santana as she applauds her from the audience. When she looks further, she sees her parents and her begrudging sister sitting in the back. She laughs and waves at them, glad for her mom’s tears and her dad’s whooping as he struggles to keep his camera level. She throws her cap in the air along with everyone else and it feels better than she could ever imagine.

 

It’s not until she’s in the bathroom alone that she can breathe. She looks at herself in the mirror and pulls out her phone without thinking. She snaps way too many pictures of herself and gets an idea that brings a chuckle to her throat. Everything feels so good and so wonderful and completely impossible that when Santana steps in and tells her she’s made a mistake, everything suddenly comes crashing down because this is totally the moment when everything becomes too good to be true.

 

All her fears bubble to the surface and the thing that she’s been worried about falling apart for days slips out before she can rationalize. Santana looks at her like she’s crazy, but also adorable, and then she grabs hold of her waist and it’s the anchor that Brittany needs to not feel like she’s floating away.

 

And then Santana’s talking, and she’s holding up more plane tickets and telling her she wants to go to Lesbos, but also Hawaii, and it makes complete sense because Santana’s wanted to go there since forever. Everything rushes over Brittany so quickly that she feels out of focus, like she’s imagining it, and when Santana tells her she wants to come home after, Brittany becomes worried and confused, her words tumbling out without thought.

 

Then Santana asks her the one question she’s wanted to hear for longer than she can remember and Brittany’s completely sure that she’s definitely going to cry the happiest tears she can in a minute. Her eyes glass over quickly and she can’t speak, she can’t speak because how can Santana not know that this is the _only_ thing she wants? But then she remembers that it’s Santana—the sweetest, most nervous, delicate, terrified and unassuming person she’s ever met—and she understands. She grins and answers her, loving the way that Santana giggles and kisses her quickly.

 

When Brittany pulls back from her, arms still wrapped around her shoulders and eyes streaming with quiet tears, Santana just laughs and sways them from side to side as she leans in to kiss her again. She looks proud and relieved and Brittany cups her cheek to thank her in the only way she knows how.

 

“Will you help me do something?” she asks when they part again, breathless but calm. “I need your help to do something.”

 

“What?” Santana asks with an amused but narrowed brow. “What are you up to in here?”

 

Brittany giggles. “I’m going to send the guys at MIT a picture of myself in my graduation gown to tell them I quit.”

 

“And you need me to take it?” Santana questions.

 

Brittany shakes her head around a wide, ridiculous grin. “No, I need you to be in it,” she laughs. “I need you to make them jealous.”

 

Santana laughs a long with her and squeezes at her waist. “You’re incorrigible.”

 

Brittany smirks and then pulls Santana closer until their cheeks are smooshed together and Santana can wrap her arms tightly around her neck. “So what if I am?” Brittany says as she turns and presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth as a hand slips low on Santana’s back. “I thought you liked that about me.”

 

Santana’s face warms against hers and she turns to nuzzle her nose into Brittany’s cheek in silent embarrassment. Her hands find the back of Brittany’s head and when Brittany finally figures out her camera, the picture is kind of perfect: completely smug and just a little bit sexy. Brittany grins and snaps a ton of different shots in various states of bragging, until she nudges her nose against Santana’s cheek to get her attention.

 

“How about a picture for everyone else?” she whispers, glad when Santana gives her Brittany’s favorite smile and leans in to kiss her again.

 

And sure, she takes way more than just one picture, and _sure_ , she ends up biting her lip to keep quiet as Santana’s hand disappears beneath her graduation gown in the last stall, but who cares?

 

Brittany has everything she wants and she wants the whole world to know about it.

 

//

 

The morning after graduation, Rachel’s dads go to see a musical in Columbus overnight and leave Rachel two hundred dollars and the keys to their liquor cabinet with a wink and a nudge.

 

“I think they’re still worried about me,” she explains to Santana when she calls her to ask Santana what she thinks they should do and Santana feels the same wave of sadness she always gets when she hears that tone in Rachel’s voice.

 

It’s why she suggests a graduation party for the others or The Rachel Berry House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza II and Rachel jumps on the idea quickly, saying it can be both before telling Santana to bring whatever she can and come over. She ends up just packing most of her stuff into her suitcase before calling Brittany to come get her. Brittany has her own bag of clothes in her backseat and she gives Santana a confused kiss hello once she’s climbed in the car. Santana doesn’t explain anything but gets her to drive to the liquor store on the opposite side of town before getting out to buy three bottles of tequila and three bottles of champagne.

 

Brittany’s expression remains blank when she gets back in the car. “Quiet night in?” she deadpans before smiling at Santana’s fond eye roll.

 

Brittany drives to the grocery store without Santana even asking her to and hides the liquor bottles in the backseat before getting out and helping Santana out of the car. Santana suddenly feels subconsciously lazy about being in her yoga pants and t-shirt but Brittany’s rocking sweatpants and a tank and it makes her feel better.

 

Brittany grabs a cart and whizzes off down the aisles. By the time Santana catches up with her, Brittany’s filled it with lemons and limes and a new box of salt. They walk around quietly, killing the time before going to Rachel’s by picking up red solo cups and everything else that Rachel’s probably forgotten she needs.

 

Brittany eventually lets Santana push the cart while she throws other stuff in and Santana doesn’t say anything as she throws in cookies and chips and all kinds of different dips that none of them are likely to eat or even remember they brought. It’s not until Brittany disappears and then returns with three supersize boxes of condoms and some other suspicious packages in her arms that Santana stops.

 

“Um, Britt…?” she says even as a smile tugs at her lips. She shakes her head as Brittany throws half the boxes in the cart while curiously looking at the others.

 

When she finally looks up, there’s an impish smirk on her face that Santana can’t help but fall just the tiniest bit in love with.

 

“What? Quinn and Puck are going, right?” Brittany asks in her most serious voice. Santana nods. “Then we can’t take any chances. I can’t handle all that crap a second time around.” Santana laughs outright at that and shakes her head until Brittany slides closer and nudges her elbow. “But look… they sell massage oil.”

 

Before she can stop it, Santana’s face turns hot and her eyes widen at all the images that find their way into her head.

 

“That’s nice, dear,” she mumbles before turning back to the cart and beginning to walk away, not really wanting to know what else Brittany has in her arms, if only for her own sanity.

 

But Brittany’s always been the biggest tease and troll she’s ever known and when an arm wraps around her waist and a mouth presses against the back of her neck, she stops without even thinking about it.

 

“It smells pretty good,” Brittany mumbles in her ear, the most wicked smile covering her face. “Not as good as you but who would have thought that a grocery store in Ohio would sell massage oil and finger vibrators?”

 

Santana swallows. “Britt, don’t say vibrators.”

 

Brittany giggles and kisses her quickly before letting go but drops a bottle and a box into the cart before refusing to let Santana pay. Santana stands beside her at the checkout and when the pimply teenage boy looks down at her items and then curiously back up at them, Santana thinks she might die of embarrassment.

 

When Brittany grins at him and says, “We’re going on vacation,” she’s sure of it.

 

But then she thinks about warm Mediterranean sun and Brittany wearing no more than a bikini for days and weeks on end, using both of those things, and can’t find it in her to care.

 

//

 

Brittany thinks it’s funny that she feels more like a college student when she and Santana walk into Rachel Berry’s house carrying a bottle of tequila and some condoms than during three months at MIT. Rachel squeals and helps them empty out the back of her car and doesn’t argue at all when Santana reaches inside of her brown paper bag to pull out and pop open one of the bottles of champagne.

 

“It’s like… barely noon,” Brittany laughs, trying not to concentrate on the way that Santana licks up the bubbles that run over the side before taking a gulp from the bottle. “Shouldn’t we be pacing ourselves?”

 

Rachel gasps suddenly and claps her hands together. She looks at Rachel and it’s like they’re speaking their own silent, private language.

 

When they both shout “MIMOSAS!” at the same time, Brittany laughs and loves the sudden, overwhelming happiness she feels.

 

She ends up sitting in Rachel’s kitchen, eating the lunch that the three of them prepared together, just a little bit tipsy on the mimosas they’ve been drinking. Rachel and Santana are talking about everything and nothing and Brittany can’t help but like Rachel just a little bit more for the care and understanding she talks to Santana with that she hasn’t seen before. It’s not awkward and Brittany doesn’t feel herself getting irritated. Rachel asks her questions and doesn’t talk down to her when she answers. It puts her at ease and she feels another sudden wave of excitement at the thought of moving to New York.

 

They stop drinking after a while, choosing to get everything ready in the basement instead. Rachel puts Santana on music duty, sitting her on the couch with her computer so that she can make a playlist. She asks Brittany to help her blow up and set out graduation balloons and even apologizes to her that it won’t be a surprise. Brittany doesn’t mind and by the time that everything’s ready, all three of them have light heads and bellies aching from laughter. Brittany even finds it funny that Rachel looks at the boxes of condoms she bought and tells her it was a good idea to buy them. It makes her grin smugly at Santana who does little more than kiss her quickly and tell her to shut up.

 

And later, when they’ve gussied themselves up and Santana looks hot enough to eat, Rachel doesn’t even stop them when they fall onto the couch in the basement and claim it as their own for the night. They curl into the corner, Santana’s legs thrown over hers and giggle about the silliest of things. Santana pours her glasses of champagne from the bottle she hid behind the couch and wipes her mouth every time she accidentally spits some out from laughing.

 

They barely even notice everyone else arriving and Brittany can’t help but think back to the last time she was here in this basement, watching Santana make out with Sam and yearning for things to be different. Everything hurt back then and she had no idea that it would hurt so much more later, but right now she can’t even remember that because Santana’s arm is around her shoulders and she’s holding herself as close as possible. Her other hand clutches at Brittany’s shirt and her eyes keep fluttering at the way Brittany’s fingers are habitually stroking over her bare arms. She’s smiling and giggling, warm and real against Brittany’s body and sure everything hurt back then, but it doesn’t now.

 

“I love you,” she grins against Santana’s temple and when Santana whispers the words back and leans in to kiss her, it’s like they’re the only two people in the room.

 

They barely pull away when someone catcalls from the other side of the room. Santana wipes the spit and lipstick away from her mouth and the action is so familiar and perfect that it becomes quickly redundant when Brittany just leans in again and makes it worse. She can already tell that it’s going to be one of those nights and they don’t stop kissing until Santana is wriggling beneath her and panting for breath. Everyone else seems to have forgotten they’re even here and they congregate at the other end of the room, doing shots and laughing between them.

 

It’s not until Santana frowns and quirks her head to the side that Brittany realizes that they’re being talked about. Santana’s hand reaches up to pull her back down until they can pretend to still be kissing.

 

“Come on! It was bound to happen,” Quinn clicks her tongue, talking softly. “It’s always bound to happen when it comes to those two.”

 

“I’ve got to be honest, though,” Kitty says. “I didn’t really get it. I mean, Santana’s a bitch most of the time and the couple of times I saw them before they broke up they just looked so awkward and unhappy. Now they’re just—”

 

“Adorable,” Artie laughs. “They’re adorable. I know better than anyone that if you try to get in the middle of that, it’s just not gonna work. They’re like a hurricane. Right, Sam?”

 

There’s a pause and Brittany holds her breath just to look at Santana. She finds her staring up at her blankly with an expression on her face that could be a smile but could also be a frown. It’s hard not to notice that she holds Brittany just a little bit tighter.

 

“That kind of makes them sound like a bad thing, bro,” Sam says quietly. “But I get what you mean. They’re a force of nature. Unstoppable, I guess. There’s nothing anybody can do. I couldn’t, you couldn’t… They’re just…”

 

“Inevitable,” Rachel says plainly. Brittany feels something twist uncomfortably in her gut, even as Santana’s expression becomes more peaceful and she leans up to kiss her thoroughly. “They’re inevitable.”

 

//

 

They’re not even really buzzed anymore, too sobered up with kisses and probably looking like the biggest pair of old ladies, snuggled up on the couch with their eyes closed. But it’s not like everyone else is having dancing-on-tables, accidentally-having-sex-with-someone-you-shouldn’t, taking-all-your-clothes fun. They’re still sitting around in a big circle talking, too busy reminiscing over old times to actually go crazy.

 

It actually seems kind of nice and Santana sighs before quickly brushing Brittany’s hair back to get her attention.

 

“We should tell them,” she whispers and Brittany looks up until her chin is comfortably resting on Santana’s breastbone.

 

She frowns. “Tell them what? I think they’ve already guessed.”

 

Santana smirks and leans in to kiss her quickly, but then shakes her head, her voice turning small. “No,” she whispers. “About Lesbos.”

 

“Oh,” Brittany says in quiet surprise. “Okay. When are we gonna go?”

 

Santana strokes her face, her hair, her bare shoulders. “As soon as possible,” she says. “I saw that the tickets leave from New York which is good because I have to go get all my summer stuff—”

 

“And I have to go pack up my dorm at MIT,” Brittany shrugs her shoulders.

 

“We could do that first,” Santana nods. “But that should only take a week at most, right?” Brittany nods. “Then… next weekend?”

 

Brittany nods quickly and gives her a quick but sloppy kiss. “Let’s tell them,” she says before scrambling up and pulling Santana with her. “Guys?”

 

A sea of eyes turns to face them and Santana nervously glances at Brittany beside her before biting her lip excitedly. “We need to tell you something.”

 

An eruption of voices and groans comes from across the room and they move closer to hear everyone speak.

 

“Oh, come on, you guys,” Mercedes says louder than the rest of them, making them all quiet down. Santana grips Brittany’s hand for comfort. “We already guessed that y’all are back together.” They all nod in agreement, rolling their eyes and nodding. “It was kind of obvious.”

 

Santana looks to Brittany when she laughs awkwardly. “We know that,” she chuckles. “But that’s not what we were going to tell you… and well, we haven’t told anyone else this—”

 

“Are you getting _married_?!” Kurt shouts around a scandalized gasp.

 

Santana’s laugh would be awkward and just a little offensive if a matching one didn’t leave Brittany’s mouth at exactly the same time.

 

“No, no…” Santana shakes her head. “No, we’re not getting married,” she explains. “We’re going away for a while.”

 

Another wave of noise rushes over them, the what, why, where, when and hows coming thick and fast. Brittany quiets them all quickly.

 

“We’re going travelling,” she says. “We’re gonna go to Greece for a while—we don’t know how long—and then we’re going to go to Hawaii for a couple of weeks before we come back.”

 

“What about MIT, Britt? Are you allowed to do that?” Artie asks.

 

It’s Santana that answers for her. “She’s not going back to MIT,” she whispers and feels it necessary to explain. “Being back in Lima has made both of us realize that we want to be together forever but we have no idea what we want to do. You guys all have your dreams but we don’t. All we know is that we love each other and that we want to try again to do all the things we should have done last time… like talk to each other and work out what we want _together_. So we’re going to Greece for a break and we’re going to see if that helps.”

 

“So where are you going to live when you come back?” Rachel’s timid voice asks. Santana notices quickly that she’s gripping Kurt’s hand.

 

“Well,” Brittany grins. “New York, hopefully. If you guys will have me.”

 

They both gasp and suddenly they’re on their feet and wrapping them both up in hugs. Brittany and Santana wrap around each other while everyone else wraps around them. When Brittany leans into kiss her, Santana just laughs and sighs.

 

“This is going to be fun,” she whispers.

 

Brittany smiles. “Really, really fun.”

 

//

 

Things get a little bit more fun after that. Brittany and Santana return to their couch and snuggle up but this time everyone comes over to talk to them and ask them questions or they bring them congratulatory drinks. Once Rachel is suitably inebriated, Brittany has to try not to laugh when she climbs atop the both of them and hugs them while telling them how great it’ll be to have them both in New York.

 

It’s hard not to laugh when Rachel tells her how much nicer Santana is when they’re together because Santana’s face is red and she looks adorably embarrassed. She kisses her nose and it makes Rachel tell them how cute they look for another ten minutes before she randomly decides that she wants to play spin the bottle.

 

Brittany and Santana happily decline and watch for a while before deciding to have their own game. It gets hot and heavy fast and at some point someone throws a blanket over them. Brittany takes it as permission to cover them up and get Santana’s boobs out. Santana tries to refuse her but stops when Brittany has a nipple in her mouth while her fingers pinch the other. She pulls the blanket over their heads and they don’t emerge until the music cuts off a long while later.

 

When they look around the room, everyone else seems to have fallen asleep around them. Rachel is drunkenly walking around the room with pillows and blankets and kissing everyone on the forehead. From where Brittany lays, she can see a few more couples hidden beneath blankets and hopes to god that everyone saw the condoms she bought.

 

When the lights go off, Brittany doesn’t pause in throwing the second blanket over them and ridding both of them of their clothes to get more comfortable. Santana doesn’t argue, either too sleepy or turned on to argue and pulls Brittany back down for a kiss. Brittany smiles and runs her hands over Santana’s bra and her bare waist.

 

“I wish we weren’t here right now,” Santana groans as quietly as she can. Brittany grins and bites her lip before letting her hand slide down Santana’s body. Santana instantly bats it away. “Britt, there’s like twenty people in this room.”

 

Brittany grins against her lips before kissing her quickly and sliding her hand back down beneath Santana’s panties. “I really, really don’t care and I don’t think they do either.”

 

“Britt—” she whimpers and Brittany loves the sound of it, all quiet and pitched in an attempt to control herself.

 

She runs her fingers through her and shifts to cover all of Santana with her body. “You have to promise to be quiet though,” she whispers against the corner of her mouth. “Do you promise?”

 

Santana lets a moan hitch in her throat as she nods quickly. “I promise.”

 

Brittany grins and pushes her fingers inside. “Good girl.”

 

//

 

Telling her parents that she was changing her life again wasn’t exactly fun but Santana’s glad that Brittany was there. Her parents like Brittany and while Brittany’s parents weren’t exactly happy at the fact she was dropping out, they looked relieved that she was actually doing something productive instead and even more relieved that Santana would be going with her.

 

That’s why they’re lounging around in Brittany room instead of going out with everyone else. They’re supposed to be leaving for Boston the day after tomorrow and they were supposed to be going to a club with everyone but then Brittany’s mom told them she wouldn’t let them leave until she knew they had a place to stay in Lesbos.

 

Instead of getting drunk, they’re watching _One Tree Hill_ DVDs and googling cheap rentals in their PJs.

 

“What about this one?” Santana says. “Room to rent, community pool… close to the beach?”

 

Brittany nods noncommittally as she glances at the pictures and continues scrolling through her own laptop. “Ooo. This one. One bedroom cottage to rent with a private pool… It’s a twenty minute walk to the beach but we can handle that. It has a small kitchenette and a bath tub…” She waggles her eyebrows at Santana. “Aww, it’s pretty.”

 

Santana looks at the pictures over her shoulders and smiles. “It’s in the middle of nowhere.”

 

“Which is probably why it’s so cheap…” Brittany shrugs. “And it’s available. We don’t have to stay there if we don’t like it but we’ve been looking for hours and it’s way past midnight.”

 

She closes her laptop and sets it aside before crawling over to Santana and cuddling into her side. Santana automatically wraps an arm around her and keeps looking through the listings but finds her attention waning after a few minutes. She looks down to find Brittany’s sleepy eyes watching the TV in the corner of the room and combs her fingers through her hair quietly. She closes her computer before shoving it away and sinks down the bed until Brittany’s head is on her shoulder.

 

They lie there quietly and watch the TV until Brittany turns it off when the show finishes. Neither of them moves or says anything and Santana strokes her hand up and down Brittany’s back, scratching at the base of her spine in the hopes that it might make her all cute and sleepier. But Brittany watches her carefully, silently, and Santana watches her eyes flicker all over her face, studying it with a look of sheer wonder and adoration. It makes her chest feel heavy and light at the same time.

 

“Did you know?” she asks quietly until Brittany’s brow furrows and Santana feels like her heart is in her throat. “Before you left Lima, did you know that you belonged with me? Did you want this before that?”

 

It almost sounds accusatory but Brittany looks at her like she knows it’s just her insecurities rearing their head. She pushes herself up until they’re level on the pillow and tugs Santana around until they’re under the blanket and facing each other. Their arms automatically wrap around each other and search out bare skin beneath pajamas. Brittany strokes her hand beneath the collar of Santana’s top and runs it over her chest, her shoulders, before letting it tangle in the hair at the back of her neck.

 

“I used to know but I think I forgot. When I left, I think I knew that we weren’t finished, but I didn’t know what I know now,” Brittany whispers. “I didn’t understand us and I didn’t understand what happened.”

 

“So what changed?” Santana asks hurriedly. She wants to know what Brittany’s life had to feel like before she realized what she wanted.

 

Brittany smiles sadly. “You really wanna know?”

 

“Yeah,” Santana nods. “I really wanna know.”

 

Instantly, Brittany shrugs it off. “I got to MIT and I was expecting all this stuff and none of it happened. I thought I’d make friends with the people in my dorm and that I’d go to parties and I’d be awesome because I was finally a genius and everyone would know it.” She shakes her head. “But it wasn’t fun at all. They put me in a dorm room on my own on the top floor so that I would have enough space to work and I didn’t even get any time to settle in because they paid someone to do it for me. They put me in this lab from 8am until 9pm most nights and asked me all these questions and did all these tests until my head hurt. Then they’d take me back to my room and leave me alone and I’d cry myself to sleep.”

 

Santana gulps but Brittany smiles and shakes her head.

 

“And the more that went on, the more all I could think about was you telling me that in the real world no one cares about you,” Brittany says in a whisper. “And then I found myself missing you—nobody else, just you—because I knew you’d be the only person who’d understand. My mom just kept telling me that it’d get better and no one understood and I needed to hear your voice and I needed you to tell me that everything would be okay because if you said that then I know it’d be true.”

 

Santana sighs and presses their foreheads together.

 

“And then I called you one day and Kurt answered your phone and told me you were on a date with your new girlfriend and that you’d left your phone behind and then I realized that I was still completely _stupid_ ,” she whispers. “I was stupid for letting you leave me and stupid for not calling you sooner and stupid for not realizing that you are the only person who understands who I am. So I wallowed and I threw myself into my work and I forgot who I was and I tried to kiss girls and boys, determined to find someone just like you but there’s no one like you in the entire universe and I just…” She shakes her head. “I came back here with no plans or preconceptions but then you made me dance and I knew I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t go anywhere without you again, whether I dragged you somewhere with me or followed you everywhere because what we have… it’s magical and it will always be.”

 

Her arms envelop Santana in a hug until they’re pressed together. A hand runs down the back of Santana’s head and she sighs.

 

“I don’t know how to explain it other than to tell you that _you’re my soulmate_ ,” Brittany whispers nervously and smiles shyly. “You’re my other half. My partner. You’re my _sweetheart_.” She grins happily. “There is no me without you.”

 

And it’s a scary thought and a big responsibility but as Santana looks at Brittany she knows that, even if she never does anything else, loving Brittany will always be her greatest achievement. She’ll never regret it. It makes her happy and, as Brittany anxiously leans in to kiss her, she knows that she’ll happily do it for the rest of her life.

 

//

 

“Do you have everything?” Santana asks her as she checks through their things for the fourth time.

 

She nods quickly and pushes her hair behind her ear nervous and anxious and excited all at once. “I think so,” she whispers. “I just need to take my purse and that’s it. Everything else is in the car.”

 

Santana turns to her and gives her a look. Brittany shies away from it and everything it knows and means.

 

“Hey,” Santana says, pulling her back and wrapping her arms around her middle. Brittany instantly relaxes and sighs, resting her hands on Santana’s elbows as she studies her quietly. “Talk to me.”

 

Brittany shakes her head but then Santana leans in to kiss her nose before easing the worry from her face with soft kisses to her cheeks.

 

“What’s wrong, baby?”

 

Brittany holds her tighter and sighs, glad when Santana presses their cheeks together so that she can close her eyes and let the tears run.

 

“We’re finally leaving together,” Brittany mumbles. “We’ve spent the last year leaving each other and now we’re finally leaving together and it’s just… it’s a little overwhelming.”

 

Santana chuckles in relief and then turns to kiss Brittany’s cheek. “I’m not leaving you anymore.”

 

“Me either,” Brittany says quickly. “You and me forever. Better than everyone else.”

 

Santana chuckles again and starts to sway them happily. “Always.”

 

Brittany sighs and reaches to hold her tightly. “I can’t believe we’re doing this. We’re going halfway across the world together. We’re going to live together in a tiny, little house in Lesbos with a pool and crystal clear oceans and only occasional Wi-Fi to connect us to everyone.”

 

“Exactly,” Santana giggles before urging Brittany back to look at her. “I think it’s your best idea yet.”

 

Brittany bites her lip and grins. “Thank you for doing this with me,” she whispers.

 

Santana leans in with a low, earthy laugh. “I’d do anything for you.”

 

“Even visit every historical site on the island of Lesbos?” Brittany teases.

 

Santana nods. “Yup.”

 

“And go to the Industrial Olive Oil Museum?”

 

Santana pecks her lips. “Especially if we can take some home.”

 

Brittany grins. “How about moonlight skinny dipping in the ocean which may or may not get us arrested?”

 

Santana leans forward and shakes her head with a happy sigh. “You shouldn’t even have to ask.”

 

Brittany can’t contain her grin. She kisses Santana once, twice before pulling back.

 

“And then we’ll go to Hawaii, and we’ll swim naked beneath waterfalls,” Brittany says softly and Santana nods, her eyes going cloudy. “And then we’ll move to New York.”

 

“Mhm,” Santana hums, her hands stroking Brittany’s waist.

 

“And then we’ll spend the rest of our lives being awesome together.”

 

“That’s the plan.”

 

“Is there any places we can swim naked there?” Brittany asks curiously.

 

Santana eyes cloud over even more and her brow knits together adorably. She leans forward once more and smiles before kissing Brittany quickly.

 

“I don’t know, Britt,” she shrugs and Brittany shrieks as Santana suddenly spins her around in a twirl before dancing them around the room. Her face is painted with a grin so big that Brittany can do little more than copy it. She’s warm and happy and real in Brittany’s arms and it’s such a strange feeling, to know that she’ll keep being warm and happy in real in Brittany’s arms from now on, that they’ll be dancing like this on the edge of oceans across the world with perfect white sand beneath their feet.

 

When Santana slows to a stop, their noses are pressed together and Brittany sighs in utter contentment as Santana dips her back to kiss her happily.

 

Santana grins as she pulls away. “But let’s find out.”

  


End file.
